Absolution.

I really know what I want now.

I really know the realities and the things I need to go after to get.

I have blogged about this before but this is absolution. The day where the fear went. It didn't just up and take a holiday, what happened is inside something has changed and that keeps pushing at that fear. It's going, going..

I've decided that I want to work as a phone sex operator. I see that something in me, and on me, turns people on. What I feel, is the most politically incorrect thing. I'd like to make money from sex. Anyone can go on this ride; me. I am sexually free. What's the running rate? These are all questions and answers I have inside of me. More than writing Erotica I want to live it. To live it I need to be completely free. That will make me a slut, maybe a prostitute, it just seems vital, something I need to do. It's not something I hold lower than helping people who are made vulnerable by others, those who are bullied. I could go to a psychoanalyst and ask if my expressing my sexuality is a form of control, control that has been lost. But they won't see how different parts of me are. And why they clash and can lead to self hatred.

I don't even care if there is an element of control, that freedom that I have always wanted has lead to a happiness today. Not a burst, no rush but contentment. I did wonder..will I wake up 3 days later and feel sick. No I feel the opposite. I'm aware of things that could go wrong but I'm an adult, and I can be diplomatic. When it comes to physical meetings, I'll make sure I'm more than prepared, I'll take classes on that if need be. This how much I want to be a slut.


Yesterday I was watching Alias. No I don't want to be Sydney. Actually I'm quite different to Sydney and "bad ass" women, but I saw Ethan Hawke in the Double Agent episode. His body is how I imagine Michael Stevens' from Slowburn. Hawke's body is as big a turn on for me as his face and it's the kind of body I like as far as movies and tv go. When he's sitting on the bed after his shower, there's a drop of water on his back. I want to lick it off and then lick his whole back and then I want to give him the most loving blow job he's ever received. Him not the character. I got a glimpse of his body in Daybreakers, his chest made mine and my pussy aroused. I'm trying to get some stills from Alias and Daybreakers..but good porn takes time. Yes he's a piece of meat, beefcake, yes he has feelings and thoughts which I happen to like listening to and reading, but I deeply want to fuck him..deeply. Or someone who reminds me of him. As well as people who don't.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeJN5-0aLJA

Speaking of beefcake, I'm reading the story Yes in The Things That Make Me Give In. Oh my, it's so beautiful when the guy asks the woman, are you going to fuck my ass..he's described as creamy.. and creamy, gawky in personality and comes so hard and fast. *Closes eyes* I'm gonna see if I can get an excerpt from that to post on here.

But after I get my mitts on The Point, Victoria Blise's new ebook. Oh my I just loved her last work Restoration, the way that statue is enjoyed by the woman and the man is gorgeous.

I think I have a preference for fucking men in the arse and lightly dominating them. It's okay if they don't want to, I'll see any vulnerability they have and imagine I'm fucking them their, sticking my finger or with a dildo and constantly pat their asses and whisper good boy.


http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?strParents=&CAT_ID=&P_ID=754

"Book one in the Point Vamp Series

Love conquers all, that is the point but can it bridge the differences between a vampire and a woman?

Hugh is twenty eight. He has been twenty eight for nearly one hundred years. Hugh is a vampire. He owns a club called The Point and he pays girls to have sex with him. He then counts to ten as he sucks their blood to semi-satisfy his lust.

Elizabeth is a doctor, she loves her job but likes to escape into the countryside now and then. When she twists her ankle Hugh comes to her aid. He carries her curvy form all the way back to his home. He takes care of her ankle and the rest of her body too but he goes too far and sucks her perfectly intoxicating blood.

How can these two lovers have any kind of relationship? They don’t know, only time will reveal the answers.

Reader Advisory: This book contains scenes of blood shed.






Read An Excerpt:[Click here to expand/collapse]
EXCERPT:
By reading any further, you are stating that you are 18 years of age, or over.
If you are under the age of 18, it is necessary to exit this site.
Copyright © Victoria Blisse, 2010
All Rights Reserved, Total-E-Ntwined Limited, T/A Total-E-Bound.

Excerpt From: The Point


Hugh needed more, and as he thrust inside the juicy cunt beneath him, he knew it wasn’t enough. She moaned as he continued to go through the motions. If it were up to him, he’d leave out the sex bit, but it was an essential part of the process. He rolled onto his side, carrying the waif-like girl with him. She laughed and squealed in shock, and he pulled her back down onto his cock. He pressed a practiced finger to the juncture of their bodies and rubbed. Soon, she screamed and bucked in orgasm.

Hugh grunted and groaned as if he’d come, ready now for the thrill he was really after. He pushed her back down onto the bed and off him. She giggled and gasped as he grabbed her long hair and twisted her neck to the side.

“No,” she gasped, but her fake fear rang hollow as he flicked out his sharpened teeth and plunged them into her jugular vein. He drank, the vitality of her fresh blood zinging through him. He did not let himself get lost in the ecstasy though. He counted down from ten then ripped himself away.

He felt as if he’d been denied just on the brink of orgasm, but at least, his body buzzed with life even if he wasn’t fully sated. He took a wad of twenty pound notes from the pocket of his jacket beside the bed and gave it to the girl.

She smiled, her eyes still blissed out from the effect of the orgasm and the blood loss.

“See you again, Hugh. You’re the best, you know that?”

“Thanks.” He smiled and pulled on his creased black trousers then buttoned his stiff white shirt. The blonde cleaned herself up. Hugh felt slightly bad that he didn’t know her name though he’d fucked and sucked her five times before. He fastened his tie then shrugged on his long-lined suit jacket.

“Goodbye,” he said and didn’t wait for an answer. He walked from the room, through his club, The Point, and out the front doors into the cold air of the night.

Hugh hated what he was but over the years had developed a way to cope with it. He had been just twenty-eight when he’d been changed a hundred and some years ago. He had lived with his rich parents in the country and travelled now and then into the city to socialise and half-heartedly look for a bride. He had returned from one such trip to find utter devastation in his the living room.

His parents had lain in the centre, dead eyes staring, necks bloodied and torn. He had heard a noise and followed it. Up in his sister’s room he had found a man lying atop of her while she struggled to be free. Hugh had yelled, but it had been too late. The foul beast had already drained her and, moments later, was on top of him. Hugh had screamed and yelled for as long as possible but had known it was useless. The house was far away from any other homes. He had greeted the darkness quietly expecting to meet his maker.

It hadn’t worked like that. The evil being had brought him back into a new, cruel world where desire sat constantly in the pit of Hugh’s stomach and he ached to be filled. He had been a beast in those first months and he carried the shame of that with him still.

Only when he had ripped into the soft, white neck of Lucy, his old friend and secret crush had he realised what a monster he was. He had intended to turn her, to create a long-term mate, but as she had pleaded with him, his heart had melted. He had drained her and let her die because he could not control the blood lust that had run through his veins. He had buried her body and sworn he would never drain another human as long as he lived. And that, he realised, would be one hell of a long time. "