Wednesday, 26 May 2010

more on the new mechanic.

The whole room smelled of my sex. I was wet and when I got up from the chair, it would be covered in my cum. Would he run his finger across my pussy juice?

I listened to him tell me off. I suppose you could call it a warning. Wear something that covers your arse. Wear something period. He'd sneak in a glance at my nipples through my skimpy shirt. He did this more than five times, I counted, his eyes would keep coming back to my ripe buds.

Opening my legs, I started to touch myself. He saw everything. I fingered my clit right in front of him. "Want to titty fuck me?"

His breath hitched.

It'd been a while since I had a man cover my all too willing boobs with his cum.

"Yes. I want to titty fuck you."

I wasn't expecting him to say this, I half thought he'd want to do it but to say it to me, to admit it, his honesty made me take my shirt off, and go to him completely naked, I pressed my tits together, plumping them, making them warm and my nipples even harder, I created a cavern for him. I spat down my tit cleavage, "fuck my tits."

I knelt down and felt my pussy drip, my arousal down my thighs.

He took his zipper down and his cock jumped out.

Hello. Hard, red, wet. Already wet.

I let go of my tits and leaned in close to his cock. I ran my nipple across the main part of his cock. It was now wet with his pre cum.

When I looked up I saw him horny to the point of explosion. I pushed my tits together again."Fuck." I moaned when he stuck his dick between them. "Fuck." His hot cock pushed into between my mounds of titflesh. "Keep fucking them."

"Dirty slut."

I smiled up at him.

"Uh." He was well and truly fucking my tits now. We were both moaning.

"My pussy is so wet. Fucking my tits makes me so hot." I gasped.

"Like that? My hot cock between your globes. Want me to spurt my cum over them."

"Yeah blow your load all over my nipples."

"Ah." He pulled put of my tits and stoked his cock. His cum flew in my face and I pushed my boobs up so they could catch all of his release.

"Keep coming. "

"Lick it up."

I stuck my tongue out. He jerked more so it went near my mouth. I got a bit on my tongue but the rest went on the side of mouth. So licked it, mouth wide open, tongue exposed as much as I could.

"Back on your boobs." He wacked his dick against my titties. I pushed them up so I could get all of his cock between them and have my mouth suck his head.

"I've still got more cum, baby."

"Mm" I worked his dick like a whore. My tits and lips touching his cock and touching each other. He pushed my nipple into my mouth.

"Yeah lick all of my cum." He growled, his head tilting back now.

"Yeah OH." More and more of his cum flew out and I moaned low as I licked it off my nipples, "MMMM."

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Is it bad that I can't stop looking at the male members of Glee

and concentrate on coming already. They're cute but when you're REALLY horny, you need something very, very dirty. I have epic arousal going on. I want to be fucked silly. Really fucked. Silly. My body used hard and dirty. Yesterday I wanted to cure the itch, today I want to be fucked rough and sexy. A friend recommended this website to me and thank God they did, because when I read "Now you guys can see why I'm always behind answering my email! Everytime I get started on it Hubby comes in and has to suck on my tits! How is a woman supposed to concentrate with her nipples being manipulated?!.." and
"Had to do my man at the office this week. He came back from the gym HORNY today (he must have seen a pretty girl or something there, lol..). I wasn't really "dressed" for the update but he had his cameras there and when a man needs to cum a man needs to cum!"
I know that's who I am inside. I wonder what people see when they look at me, is it pretty- I'm not flattering myself because I don't believe in beauty ideals, but quaint, not fragile rose quaint but they not see a girl, a woman with big breasts, I know people notice my boobs, I just wish they'd notice them more, a big breasted woman who's willing to spread her legs against a brick wall and get fucked outside, in the ass, in her pussy, to have several men's cocks dripping with cum, to be looked at all over like I sometimes but not often enough am, why not often enough? Because I'm not just a slut to those who find me attractive, I'm a slut period. And by slut I mean in touch with my sexuality so much so it's a fucking currency. I don't care about wrong and right now now, I'd do ANYTHING as of this moment.

I want to write but I think it's best I suck on my tits and finger my clit. My pussy is soaked. My pretty white panties are soaked. My nipples are hard through my bra and tee. I'm going to take my tits out of my bra and play on them, get them wet, nipples as wet as my pussy.

Monday, 17 May 2010

A round of applause and a standing ovation

don't mean as much as something you did that means a lot to you and what it actually means to others. I won't forget a message I got, it went something like reading this story over again and don't normally do this and it's in my head. I found a link to Slowburn and I don't know, this has become something that just carries weight now. For the better. I can't believe I wrote that. I mean, it's very lazy writing but it was so insightful. All the stuff I wrote, yes it came from me, but it was just written in the moment as when I wrote my other stories.

I was only going through a crush, and I really think it was the heat and isolation that made me manage to get the intensity inside across. I think the isolation made it more intense to be honest. And it gave me a lot of time. What means more though is the fact that now though I have moved on and changed, I still read this and think, fuck, parallels. Do you ever get that feeling that one thing you can do can change your life?

And why I wanted to post this link is first of all to say, yes I'm damned fucking proud it made it onto this website, it means A LOT, but that I just want it to be read again because this is why I blog; I blog to get me across. And what you read in this link? Truer to me than I could have even believed at the time. Though it makes sense, it's like one of those epiphanies or spooky moments, that kind of dawning to use that word. I know this is all pompous and can I say my youth contributes to my self obsession and boastful nature, ?!, but sometimes we pass over things like oh yeah, I'm okay at this, what we don't do is constructive criticism. I know my writing was okay, it wasn't great by any means, why would it be, I'm not a big reader and I never excelled in English at school, but the fact that I have this insightful quality that I'm seeing now, when it comes to certain things, definitely I can lack insight sometimes, but when it's strong, it's strong.. I want to say to you all, have the ability to see a quality in yourself or at least realise it later on. Don't be self depricating. Be yourself and know the more you are, the more you can improve. Be Rachel from Glee! No,!, I mean she has GREAT qualities I think as well as er, bad ones that are called on a lot in that show by others.

By the way, I have posted more on Slowburn in addition to what I have there on that link, it's just in parts on this blog but I am going to get it all together and send the blogspot lady the big, fat update.

So I was watching Shopgirl, I went to look up Ray's quote

that he was wondering how he missed a woman he did not give his all to, or did not let all of her in, and how he had done this so he wouldn't miss her, yet he still did. I wanted to quote that because I think it's sad yet beautiful. However, I couldn't not get affected by a quote I read before that, "A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around." He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman. It was a radio personality in this movie, I didn't even hear this quote but it's really one which causes you to think and wonder and disagree or agree either fully to some extent.

What do YOU think about this? IS this true for you? Is this true for your experiences? You don't have to give too much away or anything but I'm leaving this on my blog as an open discussion.

I LOVE Mirabelle's dress. On a girly note, I love her accesorising in this movie and this dress shows her in her element, no accessories, I mean who's looking at that anyway, she looks simple and very sexy.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

More on The New Mechanic.

(First and previous installment

My drive to the garage was smooth. I was making a list of things I needed to buy tonight to make sure I wasn't so empty inside.

Inside the garage, I found a note, "See me in my office." It was my boss. I should go home and change. But I didn't.

"Come in." He said after I knocked.

When I walked in, I saw his face down in his papers. Past few weeks, he'd been incredibly busy, and his fairly big desk showed papers going into each other, it was all white and coloured folders and, he had pen marks on his hands.

I felt my sensitive pussy contract a little when he looked at me, because he looked me all over.

He took off his glasses and looked me over again. He didn't say anything. I felt so wet.

"Take a seat" he said lowly.

I tried not to fall over my heels.

"Late night?"

"Yes." Anything to avoid the reality that I wanted to get fucked dirty hard and hot in the garage.

"We have a reputation to keep here."

"Yes." I moaned. I such a bimbo in cases like these, I never stood my ground, I just gave sleepy eyes to him.

He only looked at me again, with confusion and I didn't want to say it but actually I think he had a hard on.

"Come here." He said this as though it just slipped his mouth.

I stood up, so, so wet. I really needed to be fucked.

I walked to him.

He turned his chair towards me. So I walked closer.

I hadn't seen his eyes before. He always wore his glasses, he always kept a professional distance, he was the most polite human being I had worked for.

"Can I touch you?"

"Of course." I moaned breathily.

His finger tips shaked against my thigh as he stroked it.

His gaze collided with mine. He'd felt my pussy juices drip onto my thigh flesh.

I spread my legs and he stuck his face between my thighs. I pulled the bare scrap of shirt I had on, to make sure he could lick my pussy.

When he did, I moaned and stroked his hair. He had gelled it so it was slick, so it wouldn't dare interfere with his work, I cried out loud as he bit my pussy lip.


He spanked my ass cheek and I'm sure I squrited some come into his face. He rubbed his whole face against my pussy and licked me all over. This wasn't about finding my spot, rubbing my button, working my bud, this was sexy, dirty, animal, hot, sticky and extremely wet soaked sex. Which was now all over his face. It didn't take me long because he was so hot and when I looked at him, I imagined him putting his glasses back and then cleaning my come off his face.

Did you like that, I wanted to ask. Do you want to fuck me in the ass now? What about YOU? I can suck a mean dick. I want to titty fuck your cock. I want you sucking my boobs against the wall, I won't mess your desk up I promise, Sir. I just glazed at him dreamily and went back to the chair on the opposite side of him.

Friday, 14 May 2010

How can things be so extreme and different?

How can I feel happy inside but get dragged down outside? I do my best, you know, I'm a positive person but I'm also a realist, I don't like being delusional but to be honest I find it necessary to survive, either that or ignoring most of the world who just hate me. I know it's hate, they can barely look at me. I just hate myself too for being who I am who makes other people so repulsed. I know some people actually like me and I am grateful, maybe you'd hate me too if you saw the way I walked or whatever the fuck I'm doing wrong outside.

I'm so sick of drama which ain't worth it.

Also why the fuck is it okay for people to stare at me but I can't stare back? What the fuck is going on, do I give off some really horrible, evil vibe? I must do. A year ago I said, just tell me what it is, so I can do something about it or I can go away forever, I'd rather know than walk past and have to deal with looks in eyes from men and women, this is no "jealousy" or beauty crap, I'm okay looking, I'm not exactly stunning, okay with me because I happen to value sex over beauty anyway, and I thought I'd improved in my appearance, what's wrong NOW??

See I want solutions.

"After 5 years of this BULL....." Make it 25. No joke.

Thursday, 13 May 2010

It didn't last long.

I was lying on the bed to one side and my arm was in contact with my boob and hey presto, I connected hand with pussy and got myself going. I guess flesh on flesh is too tempting, even if it's clothed flesh.

I could have got off without this but I am really enjoying this Double Decker Sandwich series on literotica video on demand. It's over priced, porn is, but it's worth it, they're so animalistic, with others I've seen shows put on but this managed to combine glamour, variation, though to be honest they all have big tits and small stomachs, and this James Deen guy is really good. I think he's replaced Chris Johnson my favourite, who was a hottie but Deen is sexier. He doesn't leave any girl behind, because there's two of them, and he'll lick her boobs from under. He's really sexy in this series.

It's scene 2 which made me come.

I love big tits getting loved. The picture I have uploaded is how my boobs look once I've played with them. In porn they'd have to look like that all the time, without me playing with them. It's kind of a fantasy of mine to look like that all the time and just be a total slut in a magazine or a video. Porn is just about smut, totally animal, doesn't have to be realistic and that's reflected in appearances, female porn stars are basically to give the impression they're turned on all the time, to look outwardly what they feel like inwardly I suppose and in porn I have no problem with that. But will I be getting plastic surgery? No. Implants, maybe, it's a different story when it comes to boobs, it's not about size, it's about an image which fits with how you feel inside. It's something I'll think long and hard about though. Till then, I'm okay when mine "go to sleep" and when they wake up!

I'd like to know what happens when you abstain.

The question isn't how long, as if days are just days, just time, but the questionS are, what's going to happen to you, what will you find out, what will make you give in, how far can you be pushed, what parts of you are pushed, do you lose yourself in anyway, will a fear settle in??????? There's more questions that I won't really know until a few more days pass by.

Please feel free to share your own experiences or just tell me I'm crazy.

I'm also going to be putting up a transcript for possible phone sex conversation, this time I'll go with a librarian fantasy. *bites on finger*

Back soon, good weekend all xx

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

More Slowburn

Previously to this,

The wildest feelings are coursing through my veins,
I feel like I will never stop pressing my pussy against your cock
Please all of you, body and soul, fuck me forever.

Mel's body was on fire as Michael fucked her. When he came it was inside of her, his enlarged cock just burst come out inside her pussy and she heard his shout. Her pussy wouldn't stop convulsing for minutes, it was so intense, she just held him as he lay on top of her. He tried to get out but she didn't care, just held on.

"I'm too heavy" She heard his whisper.

"No you're not." With her throat cleared, he could hear her. "Stay in me forever."

Mike kissed her. "Will you marry me Melanie?"

Well, he was looking straight in her eyes and that reality collided with her surprise and "unreality" over his question. He wanted to marry HER? It made sense to her to marry him but,really he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her?

"Think about this seriously, Mike." She whispered.

He stroked her cheek.

"What?!" Fucking douche had taken out of her and flipped her over on her stomach! Shit! YOU SCARED ME, she was about to scream.. she felt his lips, his tongue on her anus.

She couldn't speak if someone told her his life was in the balance, he was licking her anus. This. GOD. Was his way of convincing her? Romantic, sexy, fantastic and REAL.

He licked her bud as she felt her body squirt. I'm going to come all over your mouth, she thought. He kept on licking, licking, licking. He spanked her ass cheek and she came HARD. She could almost feel him run her juices and eat them off her butt.

He turned her around and entered her pussy again. "You're a savage" She moaned and smiled at him.

"I find I have to be around you. Accept my proposal, Mel."

When someone says storm clouds you think of them just ready to burst and erupt with heavy rain and the sky is mostly grey and there's so much water and life. Well, his eyes the day they met had nothing on what was happening there now. There were so many tears in them.

She kissed them away and said she would marry him as he fucked her pussy, thank God slowly and moaned something about making her happier than he was.

"Accepted too." She lost her body in the bed, her orgasm painful but oh so sweet. He comforted her afterwards and crooned into her ear that he was sorry. MM she would have such fun hearing him apologise for crude, slightly forceful acts. She placed small kisses on his lips and fell asleep in his arms, his light brown hair in her bosom.

Me versus evolution?!

God, I fall in love with spirit every time, there's no gene for that and I don't care how evolution works and how I don't fit into it or have a need for my future children to.

Monday, 10 May 2010

When you get an envelope from Cardiff,

you don't expect to find a voucher for lube and a whole leaflet of sexy books.

Look at these pictures.

And yes I would LOVE to collect my Juicy Lube. Thank you.

Turns someone in Cardiff isn't repossessing my property which is not in Cardiff and stalking me silly, instead this is all from

Sexy, sexy, SEXY.

Sunday, 9 May 2010

This is an explicit post. I thought I'd say the one lthing I have to say

complete with "warning" because maybe some of you have this on your blog updates and don't want to know EVERYTHING.

But this is express your kink so it ain't gonna be shy, as you know and expect no doubt.

I was taking some nude photos of myself and first of all are cmaera phones any different to webcams in terms of accuracy? Each mirror can make your body look different but I think some cameras may distort or magnify on certain angles, you'd know if someone took a picture of you in which your face is kind of above the camera if you know what i mean, like an "upshot" (that's so not the right term). My point, my webam makes me look different and facially too, it's different to how I look through a standard non phone camera. I'm not critical of my appearance in the way others are but I'd love to get like a best shot, that kind of thing. Not "slimming" or any of that b.s. just flattering.

Also I want bigger boobs and wider hips but NOT through surgery. My arse I love. I'm not a big fan of Kim Kardashians, looks like she gets butt implants even if she doesn't, I like them more soft and creamy and still pert but less bun-ish and cartoonish.

I like my boobs all right, they are incredibly sensitive and responsive but I'd love to have them fuller when they haven't been played with or when I'm aroused (when am I not?) but not horny. And same goes for my hips, I'm soft but I want to look more womanly and a little more exaggeration between my small waist and my hippies.

Is there something that can pump your boobs up a bit? Pregnancy makes your tits sag but of course with pregnancy comes the milk part, oh no did I just imply erotic lactation, OH NO,!, and I just think that when the pain lessens and the intolerable sickness goes, the stuff that turns people off like lines, stretch marks, I have those already, I have a dimple too I like it, and leakages (not talking urine here) is erotic.

Well I never claimed to be a PhD.

And I think breast feeding is erotic but I wouldn't look at a woman breastfeeding in public and gawp like some aroused tit. I think women should be able to breast feed in public and if you find it erotic, you need to get over that when you're in public and if you find it repulsive you need to get over that. Period. How are you gonna to cope with life then, do you get repulsed really easily, close your eyes and lock yourself in your house?!

Saturday, 8 May 2010

No nipples please, we're Western society.

cos facebook is full of double standards and make sure in particular not to show a nipple cos they just can't exist can they. Fucking hell in if britney spears can play the vulnerable school girl, why the fuck is the world against tits on facebook? which was one is truly more offensive?

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? is the group.

My little review for the movie Kissed.

Ten years ago I watched this movie called Kissed. I loved it. I don't feel the same way anymore. But then I've changed. I'm more in touch with life and don't have girlish romantic notions even though I do believe in romance. Nevertheless, if someone watches this movie and thinks it comes across well, I'd like to talk to them.

I see things in this movie, positive things, even though I can not for the life of me relate to necrophilia, and transformation as Molly Parker's character keeps referring to, and I don't believe in her big quotes and life turning to death as being some kind of event, I do see her isolation.

When she goes to college, she meets a young man called Matt played by Peter Outerbridge, whose other work I prefer, I didn't care for his acting in this movie, it felt to me like a cariacture and actually an impersonation of Edward Cullen mixed with a moody 13 year old boy. Perhaps the actor did that intentionally.

I feel his character mislead hers. He gives her the impression he understands her, you see for a minute at their initial meeting, her expressive eyes have that interest piqued. However, it turns out that he is obsessed with her. For me, it was a selfish love he portrayed. I can't understand how she loved him because it goes against everything in her sexuality and soul. And it's not because of that that I can't understand it, but her sexuality and soul are so strong.

But I do understand that as she says she sees his intense love. There's a song in the movie that runs through the end credits of which the lyrics sound like she's singing I won't fear love, I wonder if that is I won't FEEL love. It seems the movie followed the concept of We So Seldom Look On Love a book which has the basis of the movie as a short story, it seems it followed the concept of that title in a way, that in the end she understood this young man's love and perhaps tried to take his love which we so seldome look on?

But I don't believe he was trying to give her what she wanted. I think he was selfish and that he was doing it out of his own fullfillment. I didn't see his love for her, I saw obsession. I'm in between the fact he was a psycopath, whether he was or not he across that way in the sense the actor played him poorly. Was he just be obsessed with her and loved her in his own way? Nevertheless, I felt the character Molly Parker played was above him and she did not find her soul mate or equal in him and the actress was above the actor too.

However, if the movie was about non tradiotional love which isn't about soul mates and equality or soul mates in the way I think, then it kind of worked. I say kind of because I feel it could have been better. I watched a movie called Dogtooth which was executed PERFECTLY. This movie, I shook my head at and felt cross when watching, not because of my own beliefs, but the way lines came off, like they were just lines, like this was a juicy characterisation for actors to sink their teeth into. And certainly not that this was a story about isolation, love, and, or, about someone who is different to other humans, and it didn't come off any differently to that. Like I said, I felt this was just some MATERIAL for ACTOOORS to sink their teeth into.

I'd give it 2 out 5. The song is beautiful and fits the movie but I came away disappointed and that was my general feeling from the first half hour. It was neither brave, I don't feel it pushed boundaries but perhaps it was just a simple love story, an intense love like she says. I felt confused an awful lot though, even though I don't believe what you can't understand can't exist, the movie just came off badly.

The two stars are for the style of the movie.

I didn't like Molly Parker in this, I've seen better performances which sounds harsh but there was just nothing special or true there.
"Mel what is going on?"

She could feel her eyes burn with a shield of hot tears. It was early in the morning and Michael lay facing her on their bed.

"I don't know what to tell you that doesn't make me sound pathetic? Will you understand if I tell you?"

He nodded.

She barked with laughter. "No. You're so humane, you won't be able to, that's the thing."

"I've been around scum, Mel. Not just at work but I know how people can be. Criminals and apprently respecting citizens of the community" She trusted him on that.

"I know, you told me about one of your experiences." She kissed his shoulder. "I wish I wouldn't be undermined." She whispered into it. "It's by everybody. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel haunted by the past but also unable to escape. I thought things would change a little but they get worse. I wish I was paranoid but it's true and it's happening. God, Mike, I just feel like shit. Like the worst. All I do is cry.

I try my best when I'm outside. There. I'm finished. I just don't know what to do anymore. Therapy is only a way to lessen pain." She looked up at him when she said that.

"You have to really trust your therapist. I mean just, go in there with more than an open mind but write down everything they tell you. Take a notebook."

"That's a good idea. Sometimes when I feel like there might be hope, I get knocked down again. It feels like a nightmare."

"I can bet. Mel, I'm here for you every step of the way. Open up to me more, okay?"

She nodded.

"I haven't told you specifics, I don't think I ever could. ..I guess you're not happy about that. "

"I just don't want you to hurt." He shut his lips as if he changed his mind about saying something. "You do what you need to do and don't tell me everything but anytime, I'll be there to listen. Call me when I'm out, I'll always get back to you. God, Mel, I love you so much."

When Mike said that, his voice was so raw and so direct, she knew that he loved her like she loved him. From the depths of her soul.

"You can imagine if I have all this going on and being sick in love with you, I'm pretty occupied with thoughts." She smiled though it wasn't a joke.

He did his Mike breathe in deeply and half smile thing as she called it.

He kissed her, possessing her mouth.

Fuck, her pussy was wet.

"I need you in me." She bit his lips after she stopped their kiss to say that.

"Mel, I can't."

"I promise, I won't say no again."

"No, I'm not pressuring you."

"Please, fucking hell Michael, PLEASE."

"You're aroused but no, I can't."

"That time I was deeply aroused but I was just so..I hadn't told you what I had now. PLEASE. I'll go crazy."

"Masturbate. I'll do it too."

"No I need your cock." She lifted her body up rubbing her pussy against his stomach.

He raised his eyebrow. Smiling.

"Please, I could come now. Don't use a condom."

"God." he groaned

"I know you don't like them."

"Pregnant." He growled.

"Fuck yes."

"I could get you pregnant."

"Please do."

"Mel, our baby would have your face." It was the first time, the very first time she heard him say that. It broke her heart, what he said, like he fucking made it shatter through sheer pride and love.

"Fuck me, please." She almost said fuck your wife but of course he had to propose to her and she almost proposed to him nevr mind just in this sceond. they should be married anyway. She thought herself too contrary and weird to belong with anyone but with Mike, God some how they fit beautifully and perfectly.

"Love you." He said as he raised his body so his cock started entering her pussy.


Friday, 7 May 2010

The new mechanic.

When I pulled up at the garage that morning, I couldn't figure out what do with myself. I guess I was restless. And horny. Normally in my line of work I have to spend the day covered in oil and grease. I could be completely naked under the overall I wear. I try and give customers a peek of my bra. This one man once made a coughing sound gesturing to my red lace. I just smiled sweetly at him.

Today, I pulled the stops out. I wore a small white cover up with a fire engine red bra and thong underneath. White gets dirty the easiest, anything shows and this barely covered my thighs.

What was I thinking? That any man who pulled up would accept my blatant invitation of sex? I had come twice this morning already, once in the shower, using the nozzle and my clit pulsing begging to be bitten just lightly. Then, I had to finger fuck my clit quickly before I went into my garage at home. I rubbed my boobs against the light walls in my house and stuck my thonged butt out, furiously fucking my pussy and moaning, UH UH UH.

Thursday, 6 May 2010


I had a wicked thought today. What if out of all the people who were and are mean to me, one ended up being a "client." It gives me some kind of power for sure to know that. Sex as a weapon? I'm actually thinking why not when it comes to losers. Losers are the people who just aren't worth any worth. But you have to let out some of that negative energy they give off onto you, woah tronji, man, so why not do it in a fun way? Afterall their bullshit is not going to stunt my growth or make my kids come out backwards or whatever, it's just their bullshit. And it's not fair, and it's not right and you shouldn't be quiet about it. It's kind of like dealing with a mad dog sometimes. In the end, it's best to be the more evolved animal, but one who gets to have a little fun along the way.

So, if you're going through a shit, then always be aware that it may take time and it may not be worth devising a strategy over, but the shit do-oers will get their comeuppance. That's a beautiful word, ain't it. It all comes from indepedence, never get anyone to fight your battles for you, you'll end up like one of those woman who can't eat in a restaurant on their own. I never said I wasn't a bitch.

And..such a client could be dealing with you when they are their most vulnerable. I have to love the Universe.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Tuesday, 4 May 2010


So remember when "everyone" was rooting for Halle Berry and that Gabriel guy? What are the bets the phrase they look good together was uttered? Sure, African American Halle who was a former beauty queen and is mega succesful and talented Oscar winning actress together with a Nordic type man who as I understand was younger than her and is a model, it would be an interesting combination of looks their offspring would inherit and an interesting fact of an older woman and younger man in a society obsessed with youth in women. In some ways it's also kind of opposites attract and that diversity is something people root for. Am I getting it right here?

I used to have romantic fantasies. In the books I read from 10 years ago to now, I see sensitivity as part of the appearance in a guy. I even wrote a little about it myself in Slowburn, describing Michael as having gentle but strong features. I wrote that very casually and I happened to have a crush on someone who looked like that, I didn't think the hero MUST look like that to be a hero.

The thing why do I get the feeling certain looks are associated with a Knight in Shining Armour (whether intentional or not) quality or even certain character traits?

I don't believe in cliches, and black and white. Just because Gabriel and Halle have seperated, I don't believe he's the insensitive, philandering, lazy, jerk, though he could well have any of these, er, things. Halle succesful and beautiful in her personality though she is, for all we know may have fidelity issues or committment issues or be violent. I'm throwing out possibilities, we don't know what goes on inside.

We all have things that are unfashionably flawed, maybe even "taboo" so there's absolutely no point in having images of handsome and the cliches that come from it, a tall man, strong, kind, the perfect father, etc etc, let's stop that.

I have more respect for Erotica that's more about the dialogue, interaction between the man and woman, an insight into their thoughts and feelings and less about man's appearance. Though I do have a weak spot for man and woman as in what makes a man a man and a woman a woman, masculinity, femininity, but it's not just about a man who's tall and tough, it's about a man who is tough period, fuck the height. When such a man gets together with a woman whose femininity isn't like the one sold to us in the media and is there in the classic ways, like her curves including the unfashionable ones or unfashionably little or large, it makes me appreciate the primal fucking raw power of attraction and sex.

People who say it's about making oneself feel better have just put their own prejudices in their statement. Yes Erotica is about power and being inspired and feeling good but I don't have time for stories that have bitterness and put downs in their descriptions and a woman SHOULD look this way, you know only "curvy women are real women," I don't believe in that and I don't believe in one standard of beauty. Of course there's a lot of Erotica and there may be some people who write like that and a reader who buys or likes that, but we are all different and no one reader I reckon is the same. Maybe as humans we all want the fundamentals, but lots of other things I believe vary.

Our ideas of beauty in men and women vary, but what if they changed?


Here in lies my order..


Sex tapes and phone calls

So I was watching an episode of Friends and they made a kind of sex tape, cos it's Friends it was done accidentally, Ross left the camcorder on by mistake (mistake? no really, it's Ross, so..)and it was a really funny episode but it led me to think, what's wrong with sex being "not pretty" as they were saying..what's wrong with sex being ugly? I mean really people want movie sex? Personally I like the awkwardness, the mess and the ungraceful and disgraceful drama. And don't we all burp and poo at some point in the day, life isn't pretty, we can make our bodies look as unhuman and robot like as we want, but inside we all have stuff to get rid off, you know?!

"Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago." Alison Cameron, House.

Funnily enough I believe that's true, since humans are so obsessed with perfection that if fun is the only reason sex is happening- if it even still happens past a certain point for people, I know that's harsh but like I said we can have Pussy Cat Dolls, we just can't have an older woman in a lads mag with short hair without "my eyes" type comments (so readers, don't fucking look!), then the world is even more uninspiring than I thought it was ..oh wait, yes, it is. I guess some of us just have to make our own fun.

Another thing is people complaining if they haven't had sex for months, so buy some toys and make masturbation fun. Surely there must be something for men too, and how men freak out over having something in their anus! I like men who are open, not prudes, the real prudes are people who only see sexuality in the obvious.

I know this is all blunt and I know people are different, it's not like I believe someone can't have a problem with sex or a specific part of sex, it's just that I think it's a little sad. To not enjoy sex, real sex, is to go through life stapling your stomach and never leaving the house without your make up on. Live a little. I went for a jog this morning with my sister, I couldn't care less what I looked like, I had my short hair all tucked behind my ears, skin pale and eyes misty, I felt great, know what I mean?

So today I'm going to get a few numbers for telephone sex companies I can work for. I read somewhere 40 pounds an hour which is like icing on a very naughty cake. To make even 10 pounds an hour through anything sex related, I don't care if that makes me a prostitute or not, I think's like if I had enough money, and I do know when enough is enough, I'd actually refuse the money or give it to a charity of my choice, I mean come on it's sex, who needs a reward, I'm there, I'm doing it, hop on in I say!

Monday, 3 May 2010

Thanks to Lissa Matthews. You give not only great books but one that

has inspired me in so many ways, including a love for Glee.

And of course the song Sweet Caroline.

Sunday, 2 May 2010

I feel like this is the more uplifting blog,!, anyway here's a song It's just MY song. The one that I really like.

I don't really relate to others as much as this. I actually find myself coming back to the older songs or older style songs which have more a simplicity to them and less melodrama in the voice and music, though I like a lot of catchy new songs the lyrics of this one and the melody are just perfect to me. It applies to my Erotica too.