Thursday, 30 December 2010

The truth behind heroine hair.

i have been growing my hair out for months, it's something i have blogged about before. i'm doing it for my Master and i also would like to feel it touch my shoulders.

The reason i blog about hair is that i am interested in how other women achieve a lot better hair do than i can ever get even with a blow dry, (i let mine dry naturally and then cool dry it with my hair dryer for minimal damage?), a vent brush, a round brush and rollers. After 5 minutes,it goes flat again though it's an improvement to how it looks when it naturally dries apart from the one good hair day i have a month. Literally that's correct! i have very thick hair but that means it weights itself down, it's not volumised and fluffy in the right places thick hair. Darn it.

i have avoided putting any products in my hair as i'm told i definitely don't want to weigh it down more than it naturally is already. And i'm given different information every time i look up keeping hair in good condition or tips to encourage growth.

Hair and nails are two things i can never quite achieve the look i want to achieve with, unless i visit a salon every three times a week. Last time i asked for a tidy up and not a cut, it cost me 15 pounds without a wash or a blow dry, just a dry cutting off split ends. In most places where i live a manicure costs 20 pounds. i want to look good but i'm not willing to pay this much unless it's once a while, i draw the line!

Then there's things like lingerie, clothes and sorting your shoes out when they get scuffed to mention but a few. It takes time, effort, patience, going back and forth and a lot of money to look like a heroine let alone Angelina Jolie not that i want to look like her as i'm me and no one else.

i personally would love to have long thick glossy hair, doesn't matter if it's wavy or Nicole Scherzinger (she's so lucky!) straight not because i want what i don't have but that i have always wanted that.

And long nails..but they chip really easily! They break so i have to keep them short..i have three broken nails and they're short!

So i am far from the heroine in romantic novels and shows and movies and the truth behind heroine hair is a REALLY good trustworthy stylist. As for nails, i guess i should just be happy with good teeth.

MSN has shown a few before and after hair do's, some comments are complaints about women chopping their hair off and that the ladies looked better before. And that they shouldn't interfere with mother nature..well, no one wakes up looking like pic 2

i have posted my own little analysis below. Full steam ahead!

pic 1 Taylor Swift- looks better after!

pic 2 Scarlett Johansson- looks better after which i know men will disagree with, i don't mean that bitterly, i can just imagine them disagreeing. i actually LOVE her new look on her. There's an idea that women love it when other women cut their hair because they're less competition, that idea was made up by pigs. Moving on..

pic 3- i think Rihanna looks sexy with her tall lithe body and a mop of hair on top and that colour is vibrant and daring and her make up brings her natural beauty out more.

pic 4- Drew Barrymore. Looks better before. An example of longer hair length which i think maybe due to hair extensions not suiting everyone. i prefer the soft volume of the before to the lankness of the after.

pic 5 Emma Watson, looks better before. Was she "following the herd" before or after? And who else is tired of that expression?

pic 6 Hayden Panetieere. Looks better before, but after would look cute as an updo.

pic 7 Jessica Stroup. Looks better after.

Sense a theme? A good stylist. They know what suits a woman. Whilst i strongly and firmly believe in looking good for a man, tough if you find that offensive, i also think women should be able to express their femininity differently should they or a man want them to and that no one can accuse Audrey Tatou of not looking as feminine with her short hair as with her long hair.

Sunday, 26 December 2010


S'cuse the title.

I've had a few things that I wanted to blog about and one of them includes botox. I personally find it very very creepy. I find it creepy that people want to look younger, as a woman I'm so used to hearing, well doesn't every woman want to look younger? No! I'm happy to grow older, okay if I had skin dangling down I would consider a procedure but I look my age, I take care of my skin but I don't have that many products and I don't obsess. If someone said have botox I guarantee you'd never get a spot ever again, I have to admit I may then consider it only if I don't look in any way frozen! Not even a little bit, 1 percent frozen! I HATE that. It's robotic, clone like and that's why I findit creepy and actually think it should be banned. It's ordering with a firm loud voice and finger point (YES I'm making the Hitler comparision!) YOU MUST LOOK A CERTAIN WAY.

‘I have a bit of Botox now and then because I’ve developed two frown lines between my eyebrows.’

Oh my God?

"I have had Botox. I was constantly frowning in the sun. I noticed crow’s feet and that’s when I had it. I don’t know a single person who has not had something done.’

Wear sunglasses? And again, what's the problem with crow's feet?

I'd love to see a celeb who hasn't had it done, I never believe those who say they don't, it's so obvious and they tend to say an awful lot whilst they're pictured looking frozen in time.

I think people can do what they want provided it's not harmful and I think robotic and clone like seeking is, "perfection" they're calling it. The procedure, the injection, whatever may not be harmful in itself but the concept is. What's next, botoxed babies? Don't be surprised, it could happen.

The other thing I wanted to blog about was burlesque. I happen to find it quite glamorous and exciting. I'm not one of those people who frown on stripping but strippers themselves have to have a certain look and I don't agree with stuff like Playboy that promotes a clone type of one look whereas burlesque whilst I'm sure the dancers are not averse to tummy tucks and boob lifts and defnitely not fake eye lashes and hair, it seems more fun and yes empowering.

Plus I love the nipple tassle things, it's a playful tease and I personally think stripping can be quite sensual (with all my experience of course- joke, thought I'd better stress the fact I'm making a joke!) but I like the idea of say Dita Von Teese in a glass, it's just playful, cute. Of course it offends people, you can't call it an art! It's just stripping! It's SOOO sexist. But I can see the art in it and I also know that if you have a scantilly clad woman a man will look, it's a fact of life so you can call it whatever you want, it's not going to go away and neither is a woman's sexuality and a woman's sexuality does depend on men. If that's politically incorrect, I say sex was never supposed to be politically correct anyway and it's more fun when that is acknowledged.

Nearly Happy New Year!

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Have a peaceful holiday everyone xxx

Picture taken from

Tuesday, 21 December 2010


You've heard of the words, coming home? When I smell certain scents they remind me of a place where I am happy, content, at peace and at home.

When I used to come back from holiday it was mostly really cold and snowing here in England and I remember what we called the utility room in our house which we had to walk through all the time, it had a very specific smell and at the time I used to think, oh great I'm home..but I've always remembered that smell and now I enjoy the memory and I want to be around that smell again just for a minute.

When someone close to me used to come to our house to stay for months, I was always happy and I remember when she opened her handbag, there was a specific smell..she made our house more homely.

Today I was just looking through a wardrobe and I picked up a scarf which reminded me of the smell of my Master. It comforts me, it makes me happy and it excites me. This scent was like Him, it wasn't Him but I'm thankful for it.

Scent is specific. It's unique. Artificial scents whether perfume, sometimes fabric conditioner or anything man made man, when they are mixed in with one's natural scent, the natural scent can't be beaten, you can still smell it.

Maybe scent isn't reliable but it beats visuals and noise for me. It's pure coming home and there's no better feeling than that at all.

When I watched the movie Scent of A Woman, I used to think really he's not thinking about her (any woman's) scent over eyeing up her legs or whatever though with all his "hoo ahing!" he's probably mad enough to be the one person who finds scent so powerful, however it's no lie, a person's scent is as important as their beauty, their scent is part of their beauty and allure.

There's no picture good enough as the feeling I got when I smelled that scarf today. But this picture which I found on does sum something up.

And I like this song!

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Christmas number ones, pictures and nine and half weeks.

It's a pretty nonsensical post even for me because it's a quick one.

I do have views on the Christmas number one song- I would like Katy Perry's Teenage Dream (because they covered it in Glee to huge love from me) to be a contender as it's a fun song and I'd like Christmas to be as fun as possible instead of " a time of reflection." This isn't happening and yeah I know she has a new song out called Fire boobs or whatever and Teen Dream was yonks ago. Something that may be a possibility is Ewan Macgregor's version of Your Song which I much prefer to the Ellie Goulding's version played over and over and over and yes over and over and over again advertising John F. Lewis.

So I watched Nine and A Half Weeks. The cheesy Kim Basinger/smiley Miley Rourke movie and I've been thinking about it. I didn't expect to like it, I'd seen the "food scene" on 100 sexy movie moments lists probably a hundred times- yes I watch those, leave me alone. However, I got to see a man who really in my opinion didn't know what he was doing and was intentionally and unintentionally on a destruct mission to me. There were elements of BDSM but he was not a Dominant. He was not a good Dominant and by good, I mean someone who knows himself-Mickey Rourke's character did not know himself. The ending confirmed that for me. And I liked the ending. I'm still on the fence about Kim B's character being submissive in her sexuality, I don't agree that all women are- or maybe a certain aspect in me doesn't agree, regardless, I think that Rourke could no way dominate her. He could only break her..and break her completely, with no new formation, no metamorphisis. I better sleep soon, I'm talking shit.

The best part of the movie is where he tells her the days are hers but he will look after her during the nights with him, he will feed her, he will brush her hair, I think he picks out her clothing but he doesn't truly own her- it's a shallow ownership and it's a romantic myth that some readers of BDSM and erotica buy into. A handsome man owning you. A sense of being young again. Listen, I want reality. I do not want fantasy. I read books for the insights into character but I don't need the author to make up some movie star look a like falling in love with a) an attractive but misunderstood woman or b) the "frumpy" secretary/librarian. Know what I mean? I don't need the fairytale, I just want to know more about how she feels say having her clothes chosen for her. What's going through her mind. You don't get that in blogs, or in articles, you get that in a story with a plot, thought out personalities, someone drawing back in their own experiences or really imagining and going with their gut on what it would be like to be in a situation.

Another thing I liked about Nine and A Half Weeks was the strain in the friendship between Kim B's character, Elizabeth actually,!, and her best friend, it starts off as stereotypical "hot blonde" (she is gorgeous but enough with attractive and blonde going together like two peas in a pod) and her funny jokemaking best friend. Yuck. Then in one scene I get an insight into the best friend's character. She's at a dinner table and she tried to get someone's attention, wears a sexy dress and then Kim B speaks and all eyes are on her with her hair and dress very very casual and the friend gives up. It's real. It's a truth yet to be universally acknowledged that all "ugly" and by that I mean normal people are as primary without conditions and limitations a character than the more model-y ones.

Monday, 6 December 2010

Nine And A Half Weeks A Memoir Of A Love Affair.

"Nine and a Half Weeks is a true story so unusual, so passionate, and so extreme in its psychology and sexuality that it will take your breath away.

Elizabeth McNeill was an executive for a large corporation when she began an affair with a man she met casually. Their sexual excitement depended on a pattern of domination and humiliation, and as their relationship progressed they played out ever more dangerous and elaborate variations on that pattern of sadomasochism. By the end, Elizabeth had relinquished all control over her body -- and her mind.

With a cool detachment that makes the experiences and sensations she describes all the more frightening in their intensity, Elizabeth McNeill deftly unfolds her story and invites you into the mesmerizing and dangerous world of Nine and a Half Weeks -- a world you won't soon forget."

Bring it on.

“The worst part was when she’s tied to the table leg while he eats.”

“The worst part was when he makes her crawl around on her hands and knees.”

“The worst part was when she was hanging to the wall.”

“The worst part was when she robs the man at knifepoint.” (Does he make her do this?)

“The worst thing was what it left her with – lasting dissatisfaction with sex which, for her, never again reaches that fever pitch.”

“Amazing that in the whole nine and a half weeks, with all that sex, they only came at the same time once.” (Get real).

“The worst part was when he made her masturbate in front of him.”

“The best bit is when he changes her tampons.”

Quotes are from

Like I say, bring it on.

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Oh yeah lots of people like Glee, lots of different people like Glee

There's about 500 pages of Glee in places where you wouldn't expect. I'm awaiting to see Glee on X Factor and I just heard their version of Teenage Dream today. I've made a list of ten Glee videos that I really like, including Teenage Dream which I love.

Guilty Pleasures by Kitty Thomas.

As you know I'm the hugest fan of Ms Thomas' Comfort Food, so I want to post the excerpt for her next book which I have taken from her blog

"Vivian Delaney leads a life of privilege, but behind closed doors she feels isolated and trapped in a gilded cage. Unable to achieve sexual pleasure with her husband, she finds herself in the capable hands of Anton, a massage therapist intent on awakening her to her full sexual potential. By any means necessary.

As their secret meetings progress, she falls farther down a rabbit hole where the line between rape and illicit affair grows increasingly blurred. Anton will accept nothing short of her complete surrender as he molds and shapes her to be sold to the highest bidder."

The book will be out soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Kitty has posted a BEAUTIFUL cover

Saturday, 4 December 2010

Bondage and books.

For the cakes, use your imagination x

I have a book recommendation as well. I'm not going to do a review but basically Stripped Bare by Lena Matthews was one of the first books that got to me. Over the years I have discovered authors that are on my must buy list but when I read the excerpt of SB, I remember waiting a month before the book came out and getting very excited on the day of its release, I was there buying it as soon as it came out!

The book is about posession and ownership. Back then BDSM was S and M to me, it was whips and leather and those things in itself didn't excite me but posession and ownership always have.

Another thing that Stripped Bare is about is body acceptance and esteem related to appearance. Missy the heroine is plus size but body acceptance is hardly limited to plus size. It seems a big issue amongst a lot of women even those you think, okay yeah right she can't have issues with that body. And when I read this book, it was passionate about body acceptance.

The book that I bought had a really cute cover, a heroine with glasses, hair pulled back and a lovely smile. The new book cover is sexy but I have to say I miss the old one, it's what drew me to the book but I can imagine the heroine evolving into the woman on the new cover. Or that is her in the bedroom or simply when she is with the hero.

I also had read a different excerpt in which the hero commands the heroine to "come for him" right now in his office...

Anything can happen when jokers are wild.

When visiting an adult bookstore for a bachelor party, Professor Brody Kincaid is shocked to see his former student Missy Haddan working at the counter. He’s had his eyes on Missy since she’d been his student several months ago and has been waiting for the perfect time to approach her. Fate has just slipped her into his path. Her warm personality and full-figured beauty holds him captivated, and he is determined to have her no matter what the cost.

Missy sees all kinds at her job, but never expects to see her former professor. She knows he’s out of her league, but when Brody offers to teach her to play poker, Missy can’t resist the temptation to learn, or her desire for him.

Their simple games goes further then even she could have imagined. When the ante is upped and her heart is on the line, Missy is willing to risk it all on a game of chance, but anything could happen when jokers are wild.

Copyright© 2007 Lena Matthews
All rights reserved — a Samhain Publishing, Ltd. publication

It wasn’t like her to be so free with her body, not that Brody had given her much say in the matter. He came, he saw, he conquered. Okay, so she came, but he had definitely conquered. She had been such an easy target. He had just swooped down and pounced, and all of her free will had vanished. Not that he’d done anything she hadn’t wanted, it was just that he was so overpowering.

Brody’s sexual prowess far outweighed the meager bump and grind she had experienced in her past. And after Tony, her ex, she was a little gun-shy. Which, mingled with her regular shy personality, left her feeling like an invisible mound of mush. There was no way Brody could ever be interested in her. The cute, great guy only fell for the homely, fat chicks in bad TV movies.

The door swinging open wildly sent the bell into an epileptic seizure. Glancing up, she watched in surprise as Brody strolled into the store. In form-fitting blue jeans and a gray short-sleeved shirt, he appeared as if she conjured him out of her fantasy. Every time she watched him move, she heard hot jazz music playing in the back of her head. As if she was mentally playing a song for him to strip to. The thought of him naked and shaking his moneymaker made her blush from the sheer vision of him.

“I would say a penny for your thoughts, but the way you’re blushing, I’d be willing to pay a hell of a lot more,” he teased, strolling up to her. His stormy blue-gray eyes twinkled in merriment.

Blushing brighter, Missy cringed at his knowing laugh and wished the ground would just open up and swallow her whole. The scent of his cologne drifted up to her and doused her senses with a direct hit of pheromones. The aroma, rich and spicy and with a hint of his own unique scent, soared around her, forcing Missy to grip the feather duster to prevent herself from attacking him and dragging him to the floor.

“You know stalking is illegal in the state of California,” she quipped, once she was able to gather her ability to think.

Grinning, Brody replied, “Well, if the mountain won’t come to Muhammad…”

“Comparing me to a mountain won’t get you far, Muhammad.”

“Sounds to me like someone is trying to call herself fat in a roundabout way.”

“No, I wasn’t,” she denied. “But if I wanted to, I would.”

“I wouldn’t advise it if I were you,” Brody threatened softly. His commanding tone caught her off guard, as did her urge to obey him. Something about his presence stilled her automatic response sensors.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, walking around the counter. Missy wanted to put as much distance between them as she could.

“I came to see you,” he answered, leaning against the counter. “We have some unfinished business, you and I.”

“Look, this afternoon I wasn’t myself.”

“So who was it that squeezed my fingers like a vise-grip in my office this afternoon?”

Missy’s eyes widened. She flushed, feeling the heat spread up from her breasts to her cheeks. Looking over his shoulder, Missy glanced around to see if any of the few customers who were nearby heard him.

Leaning forward, she whispered hotly, “Don’t talk about that here.”

“I can’t talk about sex in a sex shop?”

“We didn’t have sex and no, you can’t. This is my place of employment.”

“My purpose isn’t to embarrass you, Missy,” he chided softly, “but to try to get to know you better.”

“Know me better?” she questioned in shock. “You don’t know me at all.”

“Oh, I beg to differ, little one. I know enough.”

“Because I took your class?”

“No, because I tasted you.” Running his hands over the counter, he brushed the tips of his fingers against the soft flesh of her arm. “I want more than a taste now; I want the whole damn meal.”

Pulling back her arm, she looked at Brody, not quite sure what to say. There was no use trying to act blasé with him. She could no more pull off the seductress act than he could act like a choirboy. Missy was way out of her element, and she knew it.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he said, reaching over the counter for her hand. Pulling it forward, he caressed her palm as if he was trying to calm a skittish mare. “What are you afraid of?”

“You,” she said stiffly. “You’re going run all over me.”

“That’s not my intention.”

“But you’ll do it anyway. I’m not equipped to handle you.”

“What do you mean?” Brody tilted his head and smiled gently at her.

“You’re going to try to turn this into a sex thing.”

“And that would be bad, why?”

“Because look at you and look at me.”

“I am looking, Missy.”

Frustrated, she yanked her hand away and stepped back from the counter. “No, look at me, Brody.”

“I am looking,” he said firmly. “And I like what I see.”

“You’re confusing me.”

“What’s confusing about me wanting to get to know you better?” Brody asked, shaking his head in bewilderment.

“You’re going too fast.”

“I’ll slow down.”

Missy tried to read his intent with a slight frown on her face. He appeared to be sincere, but she couldn’t be sure. She was still waiting for her bullshit meter to start going off. When something appeared to be too good to be true, it was normally because it was.

“Really.” He laughed at her disbelieving stare. “We can start off as friends.”

“Well, I normally don’t let my friends finger me in their offices.”

“Where do you let them finger you?”

“I didn’t mean…” She flushed, feeling foolish and embarrassed. “I don’t let them finger me at all.”

“Damn,” Brody teased. “And here I was looking forward to the benefits of being your friend.”

Jane Eyre. More than a good gothic wood land fuck book. Not that there is anything wrong with those.


I'm not going to post so much now I think, taking a break from writing even more so, maybe just a few odd notes about Owned and Owner and some piccies from the tumblr site I loves.

Today I was reminded of something that I'm passionate about which is anti bullying. From the start, I had too much self respect to think it's okay for someone to have so little. I had to think long and hard before and when I went into BDSM, before and when I became a submissive, about abuse. About BDSM and spanking, whipping, objectification and abuse of a human. And I still maintain that in Owned and Owner she is dehumanised, some would say she is abused but I don't believe she is bullied. So far, maybe I might on a later read. I wonder though about being bullied by someone who isn't just a bully to you, there's more in a relationship of some sort between you. If you have ever seen the movie Dead Poets Society and you think about Neal and his Dad, no doubt his father manipulates him, I would say he bullies him but he does love him. So we can talk about definitions and right and wrong but the fact is I may not jump to conclusions straight away. All I can say is bullying should not happen and we should help those being bullied.

A while ago I posted this, I'm glad I did and I'm happy with what I wrote. I wonder sometimes how I can help? Is all I can do give money because I'm happy to make donations and keep up with progress but I have a passion to actually see someone change, education and knowledge making their intolerance and ignorance break.

How many posts have I read about bullying where the person starts off, I was a weird kid. What are the bullies then? What are people who pick on someone and show no humanity towards them? They're normal? Their behaviour is acceptable? In my opinion, it's these people who are weird. They're not being assertive or proactive by them thinking they are "putting someone in their place" and "acknowledging social status." They're not showing survival of the strongest or fittest.

And if they happen to be popular..whether in school, at work, in a club, that doesn't make them a proactive and good person straight away and if people find them proactive and good, they lose any of those qualities in bullying someone whether it's "just one" person. So they may be great to other people but if they're making someone else's life hard, then they're not great at all.

No more excuses.

No more this is just the way it is.

Bullying doesn't make people stronger. The people who are bullied work their damned hardest to make themselves stronger.

It's not tough love.

It may make for some drama on Glee but in reality, people lose lives and if someone is "only" being kicked a few times or called names, things which are referred to as "minor" it is still bullying. You know when you are just gently teasing someone and you ought to know the difference between that and seeing your actions and or words have caused them harm. Even the most seemingly self confident person.

No one "deserves" to be bullied. It's an ego trip for the bully perhaps and if so it's the weirdest most delusional trip. Being a bully is not a qualification or something to be proud of. "Oh I used to bully the boys at my school." What a magnificent way to assert yourself, making people call you a bitch or afraid of you.

Know what bullying is. It's not standing up for yourself. It's not giving your opinion. It's putting someone down.

No one is perfect. I was called a hyprocrite and the girl who called me that knew what I went through on a daily basis. I was being bullied in 3/5 classes in the day every day, I was also bullied at lunch, teachers didn't know where to look. I didn't deserve the bullying but that doesn't mean I haven't been guilty of saying things about people. The difference and it's a huge difference, is that I didn't make toilet and animal sounds every time that person entered the room, whereas I got those melodic sounds for no reason when I came into the room in every class the bullies were there. I was picked on for every detail and I noticed that whilst the bullies disliked my appearance from the start, they started picking on it after some time and also the voice, the words, it goes on and on, they got everything. To this day I can't make proper eye contact with someone, it's either too much or too little and I can't look around a room without my heart banging in my chest. I never had that problem before being bullied and I got that problem from having every little thing scrutinised by the bullies. It was a hobby for them to torment me, it was like stalking, and torment is something I could never be accused of towards anyone. I'm not justifying my words about people by the way but thinking that I deserve what I got and not knowing when it's become extreme, is something I will never forgive that girl who called me hypocrite for. If I ever meet her in this lifetime, I will treat her the same as those bullies and it's not some revenge act I get delight out of.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

& some Snow White fun.

Because it's snowing and I need cheering up and maybe you all do too x

"The sight of a bound woman is terrifically, almost unbearably erotic to me, even if only bound in play. It’s been that way ever since I can remember, even before I knew what sex was!"

I may start writing another story in the future, which I'd like to make into a sort of Man Woman or Boy Girl simple idea, set in the present. I work best when I have clear ideas for characters as opposed to actions, I may combine this story with my unfinished ones like Hogtied and Sold and take away the auction and kidnap part as a starting point. I'll see.


He never noticed her much before but occasionally saw her glance his way, but she would avert her gaze. During the next few days, he started to look her way and she would never look back, in fact she kept her gaze down. When studying her, he discovered that she had one of the prettiest faces he'd seen and that there was no part of her small body that he wanted to leave free. He wanted to tear her open.