Whine whine whine.
But I figured out what's wrong with me. I don't have anything constant in my life. Nothing. I mean things aren't changing for the better. If there's any better it's because I've worked for it. And I'm not complaining about that because I believe you SHOULD work for things. Not everything..i dont believe you should work for love..i dont..but then thats never going to be a problem for me..but yeah okay ..I've thought about it, I just wouldnt mind something constant.
Something that's always going to be there as it is. Unconditional. You know like a pillar to lean on. I mean I have my strength but I'd die from a heartattack and go to heaven if some force came into my life and help me. (Maybe thats why I'm so into sadomaschochism at the moment..I do apologise you thought you were reading about life and karma and buddism on a blg called express your kink..)
But I figured out what's wrong with me. I don't have anything constant in my life. Nothing. I mean things aren't changing for the better. If there's any better it's because I've worked for it. And I'm not complaining about that because I believe you SHOULD work for things. Not everything..i dont believe you should work for love..i dont..but then thats never going to be a problem for me..but yeah okay ..I've thought about it, I just wouldnt mind something constant.
Something that's always going to be there as it is. Unconditional. You know like a pillar to lean on. I mean I have my strength but I'd die from a heartattack and go to heaven if some force came into my life and help me. (Maybe thats why I'm so into sadomaschochism at the moment..I do apologise you thought you were reading about life and karma and buddism on a blg called express your kink..)
And people say oh you have me. Do I? Do I really? How much of you do I have? (Okay that sounded slightly carnivorous..but do you know what I mean? Fuck you if you don't!)
So why is it that some people get constant and I don't. I'm past the whole boo hoo stage, instead I say it's because I've never fit into a box. I suppose anyone can say that but I'm seriously one of the truly weirdest people you will ever meet. And not in one of those kooky cutesy commercially succesful ways. My weirdness doesn't win anyone over. It's my sense of humour that does. Ho ho.
Well anyway, why is it some people get constant and I don't..I ask that just because I can and not because I really care all that much. I mean I can't change it can I. I'm not willing to compromise myself and start putting on an act.
Music is constant though isn't it. Yup I have that.
An after "thought" And you know writing is reactionary. Yes also I create a world and that part is not just escapism..it's to create something solid. the only solid thing in my life. That's so sad!
ReplyDeleteyes, it is reactionary but it's also visionary...I have to tell you I love angsty writing and moments...they're real and true and maybe that only things you can really trust
ReplyDeleteVery true Amarinda. In my cynicism I didnt have a clear enough mind to see the broader picture so thank you.
ReplyDelete