"Changing ourselves to meet someone else's expectations."

Yesterday I was watching this programme about skin lightening. I have to admit it was sort of weird because actually I didn't think anyone still bought into that stuff.

Over here in England we get less sun and 20 years ago the whole pale English rose thing was embraced. It's English people's natural colour. Now..I think they are darker than me. I'm Indian.

Fake tan is a MASSIVE industry here. "Sexy" people have fake tans. "Geeky" women have pale skin. Unless they have excellent bone structure. And it seems tanned men are more popular with women and the erotic romance genre than men with pale skin. Personally I always loved the milky skin look on men. When Todd Anderson in Dead Poets Society's jumper exposes his mlik white neck, I'm in licking mode.

Tmi..

But even more so, I have always loved someone's natural looks. I'm not into men who fuss over their hair or wear makeup. Or fake tan. But then I do understand the need to look one's best. The trick is to not make it into a need.

So on the one hand you have pale people tanning.

Then you have people with brown skin tones using skin lighting cream. People in the asian community who actually would prefer to look like "corpses" (not my word)..meaning the lighter the better.

It's westernisation. It's movies where the movie leads have the lightest skin. It's parents and relatives saying, if you're dark you better be good at something because no one will marry you for your looks. I know it's bloody shocking. But it exists.

In my own experience as someone who has a light olive/wheatish skin tone, read "yellow" and sallow, and as a girl who likes her red lipstick, I think the going two shades darker route would delight certain people around me. Do I care? No.

When it comes to what skin is the most physically appealing, would it seem the ladies with darker skin get the interest of gents with lighter skin?

And do those with similar skin tone to Chery Cole get the interest of all?

And do those with similar skin tone to Beyonce Knowles capture the interest of men with darker skin than hers?

Why I ask is just to point out that yes there are people who are specific in that they like what they like and know what they like. Then there are people who are just plain narrowminded. And these people exist amongst strangers and apparent loved ones.

That you can make your eyes more feline using mascara and eyeliner but there is a difference in doing that and going to have them done by a surgeon. Underneath the make up unless you subscribe to the Pamela Anderson school of thought, you look like you.

The programme made one very excellent and true point. Some of us are changing ourselves to meet other people's expectations. We are becoming someone we are not. We are losing our individuality.

Of course when one looks in the mirror and looks like what is liked and or what they themselves like, logic and reasoning flies out the window. They don't care so much about damage to their skin, their HEALTH, when they look that like that. Because looks DO have too much importance based on them in this world. Instead of women having amazing personalities and strengths and looks not mattering, it's the women who have the personality and strength and the looks who seem to be more valued.

I say "seem" because I don't think they truly are. You see value and worth comes from inside. If it comes from outside, it's a quick fix. If it leads you to someone who will cherish you forever, then it's possible they do actually cherish you (listen to me kids, I know it all) but your looks got their attention first. However, I have my doubts over such a relationship.

They say "ugly" people are the ones who think the most about these issues. And use marks for that word. I sort of have this thing where I think everyone thinks about these issues. Because they are there for everyone. However some people may get a better deal than others purely for the way they look.

I don't envy those people. I never fell for someone over their looks. For me that whole..just something about them. A pretty person captures my interest for less than a second. But it's something in that person which would make me obesses over them.

The more you have to work to make ends meet, the more you see everyone is human. That the world is full of obstacles for everyone. Isn't it better to show some spirit than be a portrait? Because the reward for spirit is better than those for looks. It's happiness that can't be touched. It may be brief. Or may it be long. It may take time to get it. Or you may get it in bursts every day. But it's TRUE happiness.

I don't want to live a false life.