Tuesday, 2 February 2010

It seems like today is some kind of love day..

I was watching the movie French Kiss earlier. LOVE Meg Ryan in that. And with Kevin Kline? Mmm they are HOT. And for the first time I actually felt for that scum Charlie. But he's still scum. Well okay maybe just a little boy.

And then I go and read Veiled Desire. On the same day I read a book so disatisfying in every way, I buy one which goes beyond. It's just gorgeous. It's so honest, flows beautifully and it inspires me for my own writing and love. I mean I've barely lived but I know..I know those characters, those emotions. How I know them I don't know. But they're so universal.

Please, please read this book.I read the excerpt and I was like woah who wrote this??..turns out one of my favourite authors wrote it. I mean I'm not selling you it but if you have some dollars, check it out because it's so GOOD. I'm trying not to swear here!

Well, when I was reading this book I was think about this guy. My guy. I know he shouldn't be. I know I know nothing about him. I know I have had crushes before and I thought it was we're destined to be together love. But I can't stop thinking about this one. The other day someone told me something which sounds similar to what I'm writing now. I didn't think about him more than a second when they told me..as if I already knew and didn't even need to think or to come to a realisation..but I know when I first saw him, I had this feeling. It's hasn't become more, rather it's on slowburn, always there. I have a semicrush/i dont know what on someone else but that's different to this. All I know is I can imagine being stunned by his face every single day and every minute of our nights together. I can't be with someone else unless I see him again. I just want to write it out so I can get him out of my system because I know nothing can come of this. I don't have a girlish imagination but I do have needs and some of that involves romance but I know my feeling about him is not exagerated..now the question is will he want me? Because I can't imagine it. And if he does not, then at least I know and I can move on. Until then anything I do sexually will be a practice makes perfect for him and I'll wait.

Not that it's about the sex with him. I think I have been in love before. At that time, I knew it was love as opposed to just a crush. And I know when I'm in love it's so much about the person that I am not so much overwhelmed..but the physicality does not matter. The sex..it's just sex. I mean it would only heighten what I feel already.

I am stopping right here. This is where I say that's it, you've verbally vomited out all the feelings you have and now shut up.

I will and I've written about him before but he's always with me. Since November, always with me and today I don't know I felt sad really.

So alas tomorrow..I can't wait to watch Little Women tomorrow. I have to say I can relate to Jo March..in some way I feel like her already just writing this..but that's not what is influencing me when writing about him and I know she would hate me if she were in this world at the moment. Like I care, I just want to watch this movie already!

So long. I know whom I'll be thinking about tonight. I even have a copy of Dead Ringers so I can watch the sex scenes and imagine it's us. That's as girly as I get. There'd better be sex scenes. Some things you're not supposed to say. What the hell.

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