Monday, 26 July 2010

I'm going to post this on fetlife as well.

What category this would fit into there and anywhere else, I don't know.

Everyone has their beliefs. I think people change but I don't think you can make someone change or a group change. Not that I want to manipulate anyone but I've often had people say I am broadminded. I'm not special, I can articulate but I don't think of myself as a big deal, because humanity, broadmindednes, the ability to articulate I believe comes with experience and requires no special skill or talent, I think every human should have at least humanity and be broadminded. My point in posting on here is that I have seriously been thinking why I want to participate in the bdsm lifestyle. And to me it will be a lifestyle. I want to evolve. I was going to use the word pushed but I don't want to be pushed in terms of pain for the sake of it. I will go through pain, I will enjoy it because of the person giving me it.

Under no circumstances, do I want to be bullied. There are times where I have felt, hurt me. Hurt me like I hurt inside. The person who gives me the pain, who gives me what they want to give me, should respect me too. And someone who respects me wouldn't hurt me without a reason. That doesn't imply that hurting me with a reason means they respect me. I don't believe in that.

I don't understand human nature. I don't understand giving strangers a hard time. I don't understand putting someone down. Sure, I'm told it's because of such and such reason but I have no patience or empathy for that. In time, I have become stronger, I think faster, I work harder. Cliche but so, so true for me and I would say a fair few people.

What I am looking for is someone or some people who believe in what I have said above. Those who believe different, unless you harm other people, I don't have a problem with you and I would love to mix with you but I won't do anything sexual with you. Well, I think I won't. I'm horny. I'm incredibly aroused most of the time. I tingle, I crave and I need but I value what I have written which has come about after thinking furiously for the past few days.

I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than not be with someone who I can get into a relationship with which is selfless, and I do believe some are, and real connection. Love? I know that word, I know that feeling but I believe MORE in a real connection. To look for kink? It's not the be all and end all. I think there's an element of kink in "vanilla" relationships and so I would gladly go as vanilla as needed or as kinky as needed. It all depends on the relationship because I don't define relationships by kinky or not and they don't make the whole of that relationship.

I don't just want to explore my sexuality, I want to live. The bad, by that I mean the mistakes, I will take, I'll go through it, I want to learn, I have my beliefs as I've written above but I'm human like everyone else and nothing special, no more intelligent, I believe special comes from the bdsm, I actually do believe that and not because someone is better than someone else. I will leave those labels for society. I'm not looking for acceptance no matter that it hurts I don't get it from others because it should and will, I know from experience, only come from me.

Okay, essay over and just one more thing, don't judge me from my appearance. Whether that's your natural instinct, just remember that face you see is in a snapshot. If you see me in person, you still don't see all of me.

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