Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Sex tapes and phone calls

So I was watching an episode of Friends and they made a kind of sex tape, cos it's Friends it was done accidentally, Ross left the camcorder on by mistake (mistake? no really, it's Ross, so..)and it was a really funny episode but it led me to think, what's wrong with sex being "not pretty" as they were saying..what's wrong with sex being ugly? I mean really people want movie sex? Personally I like the awkwardness, the mess and the ungraceful and disgraceful drama. And don't we all burp and poo at some point in the day, life isn't pretty, we can make our bodies look as unhuman and robot like as we want, but inside we all have stuff to get rid off, you know?!

"Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago." Alison Cameron, House.

Funnily enough I believe that's true, since humans are so obsessed with perfection that if fun is the only reason sex is happening- if it even still happens past a certain point for people, I know that's harsh but like I said we can have Pussy Cat Dolls, we just can't have an older woman in a lads mag with short hair without "my eyes" type comments (so readers, don't fucking look!), then the world is even more uninspiring than I thought it was ..oh wait, yes, it is. I guess some of us just have to make our own fun.

Another thing is people complaining if they haven't had sex for months, so buy some toys and make masturbation fun. Surely there must be something for men too, and how men freak out over having something in their anus! I like men who are open, not prudes, the real prudes are people who only see sexuality in the obvious.

I know this is all blunt and I know people are different, it's not like I believe someone can't have a problem with sex or a specific part of sex, it's just that I think it's a little sad. To not enjoy sex, real sex, is to go through life stapling your stomach and never leaving the house without your make up on. Live a little. I went for a jog this morning with my sister, I couldn't care less what I looked like, I had my short hair all tucked behind my ears, skin pale and eyes misty, I felt great, know what I mean?

So today I'm going to get a few numbers for telephone sex companies I can work for. I read somewhere 40 pounds an hour which is like icing on a very naughty cake. To make even 10 pounds an hour through anything sex related, I don't care if that makes me a prostitute or not, I think ..it's like if I had enough money, and I do know when enough is enough, I'd actually refuse the money or give it to a charity of my choice, I mean come on it's sex, who needs a reward, I'm there, I'm doing it, hop on in I say!


  1. Sex is fun...and life is mess so what the hey

  2. True on both accounts. Life's a mess and there you lie (in the mess).

  3. LOL! Loved it. Great post. And I think you'll be wonderful at your new gig.

  4. Thanks on all accounts! I had dreams of starting this week but it looks like they have people already doing it, i hear the pay is not bad so I don't blame then if they're, er, full up. Damn it!