Monday, 17 May 2010
A round of applause and a standing ovation
don't mean as much as something you did that means a lot to you and what it actually means to others. I won't forget a message I got, it went something like reading this story over again and don't normally do this and it's in my head. I found a link to Slowburn and I don't know, this has become something that just carries weight now. For the better. I can't believe I wrote that. I mean, it's very lazy writing but it was so insightful. All the stuff I wrote, yes it came from me, but it was just written in the moment as when I wrote my other stories.
I was only going through a crush, and I really think it was the heat and isolation that made me manage to get the intensity inside across. I think the isolation made it more intense to be honest. And it gave me a lot of time. What means more though is the fact that now though I have moved on and changed, I still read this and think, fuck, parallels. Do you ever get that feeling that one thing you can do can change your life?
And why I wanted to post this link is first of all to say, yes I'm damned fucking proud it made it onto this website, it means A LOT, but that I just want it to be read again because this is why I blog; I blog to get me across. And what you read in this link? Truer to me than I could have even believed at the time. Though it makes sense, it's like one of those epiphanies or spooky moments, that kind of dawning to use that word. I know this is all pompous and can I say my youth contributes to my self obsession and boastful nature, ?!, but sometimes we pass over things like oh yeah, I'm okay at this, what we don't do is constructive criticism. I know my writing was okay, it wasn't great by any means, why would it be, I'm not a big reader and I never excelled in English at school, but the fact that I have this insightful quality that I'm seeing now, when it comes to certain things, definitely I can lack insight sometimes, but when it's strong, it's strong.. I want to say to you all, have the ability to see a quality in yourself or at least realise it later on. Don't be self depricating. Be yourself and know the more you are, the more you can improve. Be Rachel from Glee! No,!, I mean she has GREAT qualities I think as well as er, bad ones that are called on a lot in that show by others.
By the way, I have posted more on Slowburn in addition to what I have there on that link, it's just in parts on this blog but I am going to get it all together and send the blogspot lady the big, fat update.