How can I feel happy inside but get dragged down outside? I do my best, you know, I'm a positive person but I'm also a realist, I don't like being delusional but to be honest I find it necessary to survive, either that or ignoring most of the world who just hate me. I know it's hate, they can barely look at me. I just hate myself too for being who I am who makes other people so repulsed. I know some people actually like me and I am grateful, maybe you'd hate me too if you saw the way I walked or whatever the fuck I'm doing wrong outside.
I'm so sick of drama which ain't worth it.
Also why the fuck is it okay for people to stare at me but I can't stare back? What the fuck is going on, do I give off some really horrible, evil vibe? I must do. A year ago I said, just tell me what it is, so I can do something about it or I can go away forever, I'd rather know than walk past and have to deal with looks in eyes from men and women, this is no "jealousy" or beauty crap, I'm okay looking, I'm not exactly stunning, okay with me because I happen to value sex over beauty anyway, and I thought I'd improved in my appearance, what's wrong NOW??
See I want solutions.
"After 5 years of this BULL....." Make it 25. No joke.