Friday, 14 May 2010

How can things be so extreme and different?

How can I feel happy inside but get dragged down outside? I do my best, you know, I'm a positive person but I'm also a realist, I don't like being delusional but to be honest I find it necessary to survive, either that or ignoring most of the world who just hate me. I know it's hate, they can barely look at me. I just hate myself too for being who I am who makes other people so repulsed. I know some people actually like me and I am grateful, maybe you'd hate me too if you saw the way I walked or whatever the fuck I'm doing wrong outside.

I'm so sick of drama which ain't worth it.

Also why the fuck is it okay for people to stare at me but I can't stare back? What the fuck is going on, do I give off some really horrible, evil vibe? I must do. A year ago I said, just tell me what it is, so I can do something about it or I can go away forever, I'd rather know than walk past and have to deal with looks in eyes from men and women, this is no "jealousy" or beauty crap, I'm okay looking, I'm not exactly stunning, okay with me because I happen to value sex over beauty anyway, and I thought I'd improved in my appearance, what's wrong NOW??

See I want solutions.

"After 5 years of this BULL....." Make it 25. No joke.


  1. The 'solution' has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. My personal take on all this is 'fuck 'em' and why spend a second analysing these people? I said to Maverick last night that some people cannot and will never be able to handle anyone who is more than one dimensional

  2. Thank you Amarinda, that means a lot. You know when Im outside if panic comes in, I will hang on to what you wrote her. Thank you.

  3. Okay, are you reading my mind or are we just living the same life? I agree with Amarinda! It's not our problem, it's their's. We just end up being the sensitive ones who see and know what others would rather not find out! Same old, same old! I wish there was a cure for all of us! I pray peace of mind and heart for you! When will we get to meet face to face? LOL Talk to you soon!!!

  4. We will get to meet soon, I have to make sure of this. It's getting important that we do not just because we're friends but because of all these similarities, it's not like miracles will happen but do you know what I mean, we NEED to meet.