Saturday, 28 November 2009
It is time to take a risk.
Fk my previous post. I no longer care. I'm going to stop watching crap. Crap that doesn't make me happy.
It's all about being selective and knowing what I want. And by watching I also mean observing in this space called real life. I no longer care for anything LESS in real life so I won't be observing the less.
I wrote in my diary (a new thing) a few lines about how I feel. I couldn't share with anyone. I didn't care. I want to say this out loud but I don't care if my closest friends don't hear it. I'll say it out loud to anyone.
People get mocked for making a decision based on a movie. I don't make a decision. Instead I really feel it. Yesterday I felt for the first time in some time like I was somewhere that really mattered to me. Dramatic I know but I felt everything in that movie. If anything was wasted on me during that two hour pleasure fest, it was out of the fact I was so fucking excited. I haven't felt that way for some time. Because I can be honest enough to admit that the things that annoy me don't excite me. They don't get my heart speeding up.
So in this world, I feel now is the time for me to go to an audition. I also yesterday was in the centre of a closed environment of a lot of people. This was earlier in the day, before fucking fantastic movie. Whilst talking with someone, I realised this IS what I want to do. I want to be here in this environment and contribute to it. Because I wasn't sure before.
Now is the time to be selfish. I know what I want. I want to take risks and finally I have the courage to live life. I walked faster and louder today that I have ever walked. Anytime I got uncomfortable I remembered something that means a lot to me. It's something you won't know about me. I have found my starting line. Now I can start. Wish me luck. I'll need it but I don't want a miracle!
I know this will sound like a fad or a phase. I know what I believe more than anyone else. I know what's inside of me better than anyone else. So I'm not going to mock it regardless of anyone else. Deep turbulent waters here I dive in!