I wanted to write about this today because as I was taking my walk earlier, I started thinking about this.
You know I get it. I get why people do it. I know people say they are cowards and if you end your life, you lose it all, you may not be happy now but you lose any chance of happiness in the future. It's cutting off everything. Very definite. I know people say this but have you seen the world we live in?
Do far off lands where humans are more important than statements exist?
I know who I am. I know what I like. I can live with different views and different passions, one person's trash is another's obsession, passion and love.. but I just think the stakes are rising and rising. Everything despite the fact technology is getting better and bettter, is harder. I don't think it's too late to get to some kind of humanity. If it ever existed. People talk of nowadays; from what I've read in history, the past is more terrifying to me, I think society has always been more bad than good and humanity always kind of low. Values have definitelty worsened but then where values existed before, there was sometimes if not often racism, sexism and other prejudicies.
So what if one day you have everything but it's not enough? Not that you want more. But you just want peace. In any sense. You want everyone to stop going one way whilst you go the other. So you just think why don't I stop? Cowardly. Giving up. Yes. But what about pain and suffering and fatigue? I don't mean to say that suicide is a good decision if you feel any of these but these are reasons. And if not any of those, what if you just don't have anything more to give and see? You can never say for sure what may happen in the future but if you are perceptive and sensitive to that around you, you can have a pretty good idea. And I have to say chances are you'll be right.
See I know we are not supposed to talk like this. Think like this. But I can read"something like" the Bell Jar and to be honest, I get her totally, I would do what she did even if I don't go through what she did.
It's a little like watching a movie like Hard Candy and finding elements of romance and eroticism more meaningful than some sultry, jazz music playing movie that is supposed to be erotic and or romantic. It's not the idea that you think and feel differently to mainstream or even independant ( I don't care for a fair few of those movies) but the fact that all you got told and all you saw and believed in when you were young turned out to be bullshit in the sense it could be lies or just a different world to the one you inhabit. There's always sugar coating in a lot of things and I'm always thankful when something or someone isn't. Actually the more I grow older the more I appreciate that.
And so I go on. On here and in life.
One last thing though and I will post more on this "topic." To someone who may feel this way, I think I understand. Message me. Comment. Find me. If nothing else, even if we are different, we could form a bond. They tend to do things to people, stuff that matters not the every day bullshit, bonds go deeper, even though they may not be enough.
Love? Be it romantic, for family, friends, it is priceless and it means more than anything but I can see why people have love and still want to go.
And carpe diem? I believe in it, it could be my world, perhaps in some way it is, but I can see why people still want to go.