When you can't get any satisfaction.

I've yet to recieve my toy.

By the way what am I supposed to imagine? There just isn't enough stimulus..there's too much but it doesn't go the direction I want it go in. Which is deep, intense and unpolitically and unjustifiably (word?!)sexy.

Porn is for when Ive gone without masturbating for days. I don't have a problem with the diversity of porn. I can get off of almost any porn but I am actually unable to go on a certain website at the moment, technical errors but in a way it's good as it was quite costly and obviously I'm going to pay more when I'm getting there but am not close enough to get there without that kind of stimulation. It's more than visual, porn is just plain dirty. So I have only a few websites I can go on and they aint that diverse. Therefore, I have to wait a couple of days before I find them excitingly stimulating enough to get me off.

Erotic romance ebooks really should not be porn. I write porn but I would love to be able to write erotica. That's my definition of erotica. If you don't write erotica just say you write porn and don't pretend to be some big shot author. My sex in the "story" itself is pure porn. It's not romantic but I dare say the storyline (what limited there is) can be. Not in the traditional sense because there's a few traditional thoughts I can not ever buy such as love at first sight. Lust at first sight exists but love? Sure you can get a feeling about someone other than lust but is it love? You're that sure? However, it may exist. What is incomprehensible to me could exist - of course- but I may never believe it.

And then there's the decriptions of the heroines. The men are cliches that's a given but theyre ones I enjoy. It's the heroines that can turn me off. Mostly I read about chestnut brown hair tumbling in waves. Or blondes. Or the heroine has the oh so perfect chin reaching bob. And being someone who has never gone for someone else based on hair I don't need to be fed something that sounds like a shampoo advert. Yeah I can wax lyrical about mousy brown hair in my "stories" but it's not something men get fed, you know?

By the way I know about turn on and women's hair. I know for some men as incomprehensible as it us..sex isnt supposed to make sense anyway..the length of hair is a factor. Shallow and I can't see why they can't have amazing sex with someone whose hair turns them off initially unless they're not evolved individuals.

Then there's the cliches. The justifying, the very specific turn ons, the women changing themselves to get the man of their dreams by adapting to those turn ons and incoporating them in their sexual relationship with the guy and the two dimensional evil characters (esp bitchy women)- something I am guilty of too. (They tend to add drama).

If by the way you wonder about my quotation marks for the word story it's because I once wrote one which happens to be my favourite where there's an incident causing a detective to come to school and the incident itself is so unclear and written very amateurishly. (word?!) I can make fun of myself and tough shit if it comes off as putting myself down. I haven't done that at all in my post. I'm on missions but not every blog post is part of my more power for women mission.

Sometimes I need so much more when it comes to sex which I can't find in books, in movies, on the net despite ..trust me..extensive research, I have a lot of time on my hands and I can't find it in masturbation. Perhaps I will find it with a toy. But I know I'll find it in sex. I can surprise people for sure..perhaps their expectations of me are low thanks to the way society is..yes I blame society since everyone decided fake tans were sexy and used words like hawt over their well used (I dread to think) Maxims.