Saturday, 19 September 2009

More tales..(despite my knowing better)

When Cedric returned with my food I had to endure an infuriating conversation with him. I was hurt and tired..did he think feeding me well would give me strength for his inquisition? I had none left.

“I can’t believe they did that to you.”

I asked him what world he lived in. “Look I don’t know why but everyone just despises me. I can’t help hating myself for it.”

“Have you done something wrong?”

"Nothing.” “I say wrong things but I’m mostly an okay.”.Well.. ex person I thought.

“It can’t be like this.” He said.

“Are you idealistic..Cedric..” I mocked his name. But the man/boy/thing? didn’t flinch. “You think you know everything? You clearly don’t. Nothing is fucking real. I’ve been almost killed because of other peoples prejudices, intolerance and hate. THAT’S what is me at least. You don’t know how many glares I get everyday. But I never once thought someone would hate me that MUCH. “Why don’t I just kill myself“..but I never did and THEY fucking attacked me and now I will never get chance to get my revenge. And I want it.”

“I would be livid if I were you.”

“You have no idea. Its just swearing to you now but I want to take everyone down with me most of the time. I have this ache in my head constantly and my soul is destroyed. I thought I would fit right into what I read about this world.“ I smirked, “I was wrong.”


“Don’t bother..” I interrupted.

“Annie you can’t let them get to you. Human, vampire, it doesn’t mean shit.“ I looked up at him.“You know yourself. Don‘t let hierarchy or order get to you.”

“Yes..but it’s ruined everything for me. I’m a victim. That’s my order. This coming from someone who had a beautiful dream about being respected.” I smiled darkly.
"These arent my dreams anymore." I remembered the days when I had some hope. When I was young and alive in my heart. Before the terror.
Cedric got up. I saw him discard my paper plate. He came back and sat beside me.
I moaned.
“What's wrong?”
“Have you ever been a victim?” I asked.
“Listen, I’m going to handcuff you again.” He said softly, ignoring my question.“I think if I were you I would run. Run as fast as I could.”
“But if wouldn’t be because of you. I would just do it for its own sake.”I interrupted.
“You don’t have to be afraid tonight.”
“I’m not.” I couldn’t make out his eye colour. Then I felt angry at myself for thinking that.“You’re not responsible for me.”
“I am.”
We sat in silence ..then, “I’m going to cuff you to me. If I do it to the post, you could hurt yourself without knowing”
“I can’t sleep so I would know what I’m doing.”
“I need to be sure before I allow you that freedom.”
“I understand.” I said though I didnt understand fully.
“I hurt so much inside.” I curled my knees to my chin..
“Do you think you will heal?” I couldn’t believe how soft his voice was.
“I think the scars are too deep now.” I whispered.
“Love, they are war wounds. War is never fair.”I stretched my legs out.We looked at each other and he took my hand. He placed one of his hands in the handcuffs and then did the same to my own.
“We’re sleeping on this bed?” I asked. Together?
“You need to sleep with me and I won't have you sleeping on the floor. I won’t touch you. Unless I have an itch.” He was serious.
“I cant promise you anything else but I can promise that I wont harm you. You are under my protection, no choice.”
“Okay.” Trust? I didn’t know about that. But I seemed okay with this situation.He looked very much the protector now, tall, watching over me. I felt my head throb madly when his face almost resembled head boys at an old school but he was more than that. He would be the adult.
“Okay.” I said again.
“Which side do you take?” He asked, waiting for me to get on the bed first.

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