Am I gay?

I know you're thinking oh god woman go away with your blog updates but HAHA.

If I have something to say this is my way of saying it. I write, that's just what I do.

Anyway I was actually thinking why not be gay? Okay don't kill me, it's not a fad or some sexy new thing for me. I can look at a female and find her attractive, that doesn't make me a lesbian but I have that in me so to speak. I don't recall ever gettting a crush on a woman but then my crushes are really odd and random. I don't even know if I ever had a crush on someone I "went out with." But I did find them attractive.

I just find men harsh. And women mostly seem not to be. Women are just nicer. I don't buy that a man can't be as big a bitch as a women are given the reputation of being. And if a woman is a bitch, there's a vulnerability there. There's a vulnerability with men too but I really hate their dumb testosterone. (no really this is how I write and think). And I'm not really into men who are vulnerable in a needy or hate themselves kind of way. I HATE passive aggressiveness. And "bad boys" never did it for me. And the inbetween/ somewhere in the middle all thats just never had a strong enough will.

Women are the softer sex in every way.

It feels like I'm rebounding from something and so I'm looking for the opposite of the bad stuff I'm reacting to- if one wants to get all psychoanalytical. (I know I've done it in the stupidest way ever).

Let's just say also it's not like I've developed a new interest in a lesbian porn. I always got off more on women than men. Sort of 50 percent what the woman looks like and girl on girl and 50 percent what she is doing to a man; sucking cock is a big turn on ..and what he is doing to her; fondling, yum.

I'm just actually going to call myself a lesbian..because it's still a taboo in society. It WOULD be far more convinient to be straight so my thought process is to get used to the idea and it's not like I am overcoming something in myself, I don't have a problem with being gay, if I did I would say right here right now, but for 25 years it's been like the whole traditional romantic view points (as traditional as I'll ever get) so now it's about exploring myself. I really have always wanted to be true to myself. My sexuality regardless of my sex life is a big, big thing to me. And to me sexuality is not about making men happy, in fact I loathe, detest, feel nauseous at that whole idea. Sexuality..it's about making ME happy.

Of course that's not to say I won't be reading about sexy police officers anymore...I'll just be broadening my horizons to the sexy new inmate fantasies too.