"Dear Dr. Connagher:
A simple letter probably isn’t the best way to tell you all of this, but I need to write this out as much for myself, as for you. If we talked on the phone, I don’t think I could get it all out—fear, longing, turmoil, and most of all, the agony. Every moment I’m not there with you is torture.
If I’d met you this past Friday night as we agreed, I couldn’t have sat there on our first real date and told you the truth. It’s not that you’d intimidate me, or scare me, exactly. It’s me. I lose my will when I’m with you.
I’d do anything to be with you, which scares me to death.
So this really is for the best. I know it. But it doesn’t make it any easier.
Daddy was in an accident Friday afternoon at his jobsite and nearly died. I’ve spent the last few days at the hospital, waiting with my family to see if he’ll live, how badly he’ll be handicapped. He’s never going to be the same, and he’ll have years of physical therapy and doctor’s visits. I need to stay here. I need to help Mom, try to find a way to pay his medical bills, and save his business. I don’t know when, if ever, I’ll be returning to Drury University. Finishing my degree is the last thing on my mind right now, even though I only have a few semesters left.
Every single word of that is true. However, it’s also true that I didn’t have my car loaded to come back to campus before the accident. I hadn’t decided to come back to you.
Self-preservation, Conn. I have to protect myself. When I’m with you, I want what you want. I don’t even know what I want. You hurt me in your office. You embarrassed me. And yet you made me feel incredible, too. You made me want you to hurt me. How messed up is that?
Yet I lie awake at night remembering, and it’s all I can do not to jump in my car and drive straight to you.
I know you’ll never read this. You hate e-mail. It would be better to mail it to your office. But what if someone read it by accident? True, again, but it’s also true that maybe deep down in my dark, scary place only you’ve seen, I really don’t want you to read this at all.
~ Rae"
Beautiful writing. This e book is available from Samhain Publishing and the beauty of it shines through, I particularly liked this paragraph below.
"..But if you want vanilla missionary then I'll do that too just as wildly and passionately over and over as many times as you'll let me. Because it's you beneath me Rae, I love you. I want to please you in every way you desire and half a million you havent thought of yet. I'll give you exactly what you need, every single time."
A simple letter probably isn’t the best way to tell you all of this, but I need to write this out as much for myself, as for you. If we talked on the phone, I don’t think I could get it all out—fear, longing, turmoil, and most of all, the agony. Every moment I’m not there with you is torture.
If I’d met you this past Friday night as we agreed, I couldn’t have sat there on our first real date and told you the truth. It’s not that you’d intimidate me, or scare me, exactly. It’s me. I lose my will when I’m with you.
I’d do anything to be with you, which scares me to death.
So this really is for the best. I know it. But it doesn’t make it any easier.
Daddy was in an accident Friday afternoon at his jobsite and nearly died. I’ve spent the last few days at the hospital, waiting with my family to see if he’ll live, how badly he’ll be handicapped. He’s never going to be the same, and he’ll have years of physical therapy and doctor’s visits. I need to stay here. I need to help Mom, try to find a way to pay his medical bills, and save his business. I don’t know when, if ever, I’ll be returning to Drury University. Finishing my degree is the last thing on my mind right now, even though I only have a few semesters left.
Every single word of that is true. However, it’s also true that I didn’t have my car loaded to come back to campus before the accident. I hadn’t decided to come back to you.
Self-preservation, Conn. I have to protect myself. When I’m with you, I want what you want. I don’t even know what I want. You hurt me in your office. You embarrassed me. And yet you made me feel incredible, too. You made me want you to hurt me. How messed up is that?
Yet I lie awake at night remembering, and it’s all I can do not to jump in my car and drive straight to you.
I know you’ll never read this. You hate e-mail. It would be better to mail it to your office. But what if someone read it by accident? True, again, but it’s also true that maybe deep down in my dark, scary place only you’ve seen, I really don’t want you to read this at all.
~ Rae"
Beautiful writing. This e book is available from Samhain Publishing and the beauty of it shines through, I particularly liked this paragraph below.
"..But if you want vanilla missionary then I'll do that too just as wildly and passionately over and over as many times as you'll let me. Because it's you beneath me Rae, I love you. I want to please you in every way you desire and half a million you havent thought of yet. I'll give you exactly what you need, every single time."
OMG - that last paragraph is exactly what a woman wants to hear. I'm going off to buy that book now.
ReplyDeleteHey! Nice to see you on here. Thanks for dropping by. I know this book is as they say right on. I was reading it just in awe. I want a Conn.
ReplyDelete