Weight and sex- this time it's men's turn.

You could use the phrase double standards. But in a blog post I hope is broadminded I don't want to start of with a cliche. A cliche whilst having an element of truth can be narrowminded. I also don't really want to talk about double standards between men and women because the state affairs are in, I would much rather do something about that. I feel many people have talked about this far more articulately and widely than I could in one blog post.

I'll get straight to the point; would you have sex with someone who would be classed as overweight or obese? When women put on weight, some of it helps to accentuate the differences between a man and woman especially in bed; hard (to an extent) and soft. Then there's extra flesh on tits and ass being something some men like to hold onto so it can be sexier.

I despise the term real woman. Or real man. I think what is really meant is realistic. Because unless you work out everyday, you are man or woman going to be just a tad soft somewhere. So whilst i heard some women refer to a man with Russell Crowe's build after Gladiator as big and cuddly..and same reference to say Vince Vaughn, I haven't heard say Danny DeVito being referred to in the same way. He's cuddly but he's short. Some men like shortness in women; cute, more feminine, are two words I have heard (they're not my words) with regards to short women but short men? So say there's a short overweight or obese guy..would you ever wish you were being fucked or made love to by a taller guy? And why? And is he thinnr in your fantasies?

And why do common (?) fantasies feature some hard body resembling guy? I actually don't drool ..okay really you want to hit me..over the stereotypical male model guys. I'm very much a mannerisms and face woman. Not even the eyes, just a twist of the mouth. So I never found erotica featuring a guy who's hard everywhere..seriously ladies come on, that's just mean poor guy would have to be in the gym 2 hours everyday!..a turn on in itself. They talk about persona. A body to match the persona? Come on! BUT if that is what turns you on, what are your thoughts about this?

I welcome all opinions on this and any post on my blog. I get passionate but I promise death threats will be saved for people who call me names!

When you can't get any satisfaction.

I've yet to recieve my toy.

By the way what am I supposed to imagine? There just isn't enough stimulus..there's too much but it doesn't go the direction I want it go in. Which is deep, intense and unpolitically and unjustifiably (word?!)sexy.

Porn is for when Ive gone without masturbating for days. I don't have a problem with the diversity of porn. I can get off of almost any porn but I am actually unable to go on a certain website at the moment, technical errors but in a way it's good as it was quite costly and obviously I'm going to pay more when I'm getting there but am not close enough to get there without that kind of stimulation. It's more than visual, porn is just plain dirty. So I have only a few websites I can go on and they aint that diverse. Therefore, I have to wait a couple of days before I find them excitingly stimulating enough to get me off.

Erotic romance ebooks really should not be porn. I write porn but I would love to be able to write erotica. That's my definition of erotica. If you don't write erotica just say you write porn and don't pretend to be some big shot author. My sex in the "story" itself is pure porn. It's not romantic but I dare say the storyline (what limited there is) can be. Not in the traditional sense because there's a few traditional thoughts I can not ever buy such as love at first sight. Lust at first sight exists but love? Sure you can get a feeling about someone other than lust but is it love? You're that sure? However, it may exist. What is incomprehensible to me could exist - of course- but I may never believe it.

And then there's the decriptions of the heroines. The men are cliches that's a given but theyre ones I enjoy. It's the heroines that can turn me off. Mostly I read about chestnut brown hair tumbling in waves. Or blondes. Or the heroine has the oh so perfect chin reaching bob. And being someone who has never gone for someone else based on hair I don't need to be fed something that sounds like a shampoo advert. Yeah I can wax lyrical about mousy brown hair in my "stories" but it's not something men get fed, you know?

By the way I know about turn on and women's hair. I know for some men as incomprehensible as it us..sex isnt supposed to make sense anyway..the length of hair is a factor. Shallow and I can't see why they can't have amazing sex with someone whose hair turns them off initially unless they're not evolved individuals.

Then there's the cliches. The justifying, the very specific turn ons, the women changing themselves to get the man of their dreams by adapting to those turn ons and incoporating them in their sexual relationship with the guy and the two dimensional evil characters (esp bitchy women)- something I am guilty of too. (They tend to add drama).

If by the way you wonder about my quotation marks for the word story it's because I once wrote one which happens to be my favourite where there's an incident causing a detective to come to school and the incident itself is so unclear and written very amateurishly. (word?!) I can make fun of myself and tough shit if it comes off as putting myself down. I haven't done that at all in my post. I'm on missions but not every blog post is part of my more power for women mission.

Sometimes I need so much more when it comes to sex which I can't find in books, in movies, on the net despite ..trust me..extensive research, I have a lot of time on my hands and I can't find it in masturbation. Perhaps I will find it with a toy. But I know I'll find it in sex. I can surprise people for sure..perhaps their expectations of me are low thanks to the way society is..yes I blame society since everyone decided fake tans were sexy and used words like hawt over their well used (I dread to think) Maxims.

Madonna, Sex and the City versus the women who don't.

I was watching Sex and the City last night. I like the show. I like it for the friendships and talk and the fact it raises questions and issues and more importantly it raises the bar for honesty. However, in the episode I watched Samantha (the blonde) meet a guy who is very very well endowed to the extent women do not want to go near his.. him. His cock is massive but they don't show it. They'd probably show a woman's abnormal boob though. And by abnormal I mean that literally as in not normal, not as in repulsive or in any other critical way. I was like okay, whatever, brush that thought aside, let's just watch. Then I was laughing at how she has to have a cigarette when he's easing his way into her and they're both breathing like you would when giving birth, Kim Cattrall has a great onscreen sense of humour, and ..well it's just too big. Poor guy. I was disappointed with it being Samantha that she didn't as Samantha tends to do grab an oppurtunity with both hands. You know give him a blow job. I mean think about it, the biggest dick she's ever had, the poor guy hasn't had sex in a long time judging by his weary look (man, that was funny) so it's something I would do and I'm not as forward as Samantha or even Carrie or Miranda. I beat Charlotte though (hehe but who doesn't) - joke.

And then today I was thinking about Madonna. This so called sexual icon. Famed for her atttitude and quite frankly balls. What happened to them? I mean yeah it was an act. I figured that out when she was insulting Letterman during her earlier career but I think all non conformists eventually conform. Rebellious actors eventually win that Oscar after a campaign on their side, I dont buy the bullshit they dont campaign for themselves, and bohemians and eventually sell out. Free spirits are trapped in some way and sometimes are never happy. So what are you rebelling against? What happened to sexual progression? Have we evolved even as human beings not just in sex but in our minds? Does everyone have to buy into something even if they do not want to and shut up or end up becoming very depressed or taking their own lives? At least it's best to be honest. And unafraid and I'm not so sure about people who say they are not afraid- i see fear in the way they defend themselves or their opinion. I'm on the fence on some stuff and I'm not afraid to admit that. "Admit"..like it's a crime. Say, I mean.

I don't want to become cynical, weary and old in my heart. Tradionalists are actually the kind of people I look up to.

Pictures I like.

There's this bangle I'm wearing that's leaving marks around my wrist xo

The truth.

I know there's a lot of bullshit about.I know people say there's a lot of bullshit about on the internet. But for me it's always been hands on the number one place to get information. I never realised I could make good friends on here though. And I have.

One friend whom I really hope to meet one day gave me wonderful information about sex toys. Now can you imagine going up to your circle of friends and saying oh what sex toy do you use? Okay since programs like Sex and The City it's no longer a taboo to consider your own dare I say a woman's satisfaction with or without a man. However since my friends and I are not even in the same town as each other anymore and have lost contact, talking about sex is not possible. And I like to talk about sex. Before, at school it was a godamn competition. People were so patronising. I pity anyone who got !exposed! as a virgin or worse a !slut! I think the first is beautiful and the second can be during sex.

This will be my first sex toy. I always thought it freaky to stick a piece of plastic there but I want achieve- I'll be blunt here- more than clit stimulation during masturbation. I want it all. Could I get anal too; this is where I start my journey!

So this fantastic person recomended me a website. And it's not Ann Summers. (So typically British it's not British or is it? Are we really so behind? Yes I think we are behind.) Omg, that's a load of SHIT compared to this. The website and what I brought I won't say just yet until I have received my product. And used it to my satisfaction.

I am excited. For me it's a step forward. Knowing I can learn more about my sexuality in terms of myself, what I like (to be honest I can see myself "liking" the whole damn lot; you name it even foot fetishes, golden showers and yucky stuff I actually think okay let's go there- what's it got to do with sex toys? I like to ramble). So to be able to practice in pleasing myself and using my fantasies as role plays and situations where I'm not just in bed pleasing myself is good. Tmi? Honey this is expressyourkink.

One thing I may draw the line is the whole farting thing during sex as a means of giving and getting pleasure. We're all human but I have always find farting in general gross ; in my mind it's one step closer to taking a dump in public and that doesn't even go to the so horrfic you have to try it level.

So really how do I close the post after this? I was going to say I want to always be able to find the truth. And in focusing on what I want and what I can give, I further and further lose interest in really stupid things like the Dail Mail (totally sensationlist) and silly little boys for men and bitchy women. And the truth is more so available on the Internet than other places. And here's to evolving and finding your truth. However the jump to this from well, turd, or what could be the lack of jump to the great journalists and discriminating bloggers out there, is not really working so there's no official way to close this post up.

Daybreakers. Fanfic.

"Anyone can be human. It's possible. We have discovered a cure. But.. they only have to want to be human."

I was working under Edward Dalton. It was my first day at work and not being particularly talkative and feeling uneasy, creepy and shy, I ignored as best as I could Dalton's penetrating eyes. I was introduced to all the staff in the Haemotology department where Dalton was chief. It wasn't his magnificent reputation for his work or the fact he had sacrificed his immortality and risked his vampire life to become a mere human again, it was purely for my own sense of humour that I decided to take a job here. I was to be working in administration but Haemotology was a tight department. Everyone knew everyone else very well - professionally speaking. Even the uneasiness I felt which stemmed from that, did not make me lose sight of my idiotic behaviour. You see I'm anaemic. I have lost so much blood in the past that even with transfusions I remain bitterly cold, have ice cold finger tips and white, white nails with no pink. After one of my transfusions where I was allowed to go home, my parents threw a party and invited the Haemotolgist where they told me to thank him for his work. It's something I would rather and have forgotten but after years of not knowing what I wanted to do or be when I grew up I decided to apply to Haemotology. I was good with filing and taking orders. I may as well have some fun whilst doing so.

It wasn't so much fun now. I wanted him to look away. I was embarassing and he was obviously not. When I looked at him he turned away and I wanted to puke my guts out right then and there on him.

I took relief in the fact that Audrey had not turned up to visit him. Yes they were quite the couple I learned from Google 2019. I was sure she was busy with saving the world, something I admired her for but their golden friendship would have only added sting to my nauseous state.

Of course it's not like I loved him or anything hideous of the sort.

I was too busy anyway with fending off mine and everyone else's demons and monsters to be stuck in an imaginary love triangle.

Trying to keep my bile in, I turned to ask one of the nurses if I could leave the room.

I'm fucking back.

Oops language.

Yeah also re a lot of things; i do not CARE.